Celebrating Snowflake, A Miscarriage Story

one year anniversary and refreshing pain

So by the time thanksgiving came around i was bingeing every day all day, i went into kind of a clouded mood and knew it was soon that it would be a year since i found out i was prego with snowflake and then only weeks later it would be the day i found out we lost her.

Then a curve ball hit me, and it was not one i was ready for. My sister in law told me she was expecting, not remembering thast i had found out i was prego with snowflake thast very week only a year prior.

Dont get me wrong i was suoer excited for them and to be an auntie again...but damn it ripped my hesrt out that she was going to get her second baby and i.lost.mine.

I spent the rest of the week in bed totally in a depression. I stopped talking to most of my husband's family, because all they wanted to talk about was her baby, and i didnt want to hear it at all. Again i was very happy for her but still super sad about my loss and just couldn't handle it all.

Only a week later my husband's grandpa passed away, this brought the family together for a dinner to talk over the plans for going and dealing with the funral, which was on the other side of the state....why a dinner i didnt understand, but thats what they wanted to do....so i went...

I was unfortunately seated next to my sister in law, who only wanted to talk about how her pregnancy was going, and to tell me how she understood how unhappy i was for her....which i was not....

I ended up having to go to the bathroom to cry three times....and every time i came back from the bathroom she would just start right back up....trying to console me and sayi g that she understood what i was going through...

But she did know...yes she had struggled with infertility for years, but she didnt lose a baby... and i loved my snowflake from the moment i found out i was having her...

I was almost impossible not to yell at her and tell her "NO YOU DONT UNDERSTAND... WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH WASNT THE SAME!!!"