(hey guys! yay i finally did another emmett list!)
51 Things Emmett Cullen is Not Allowed to Do... 6
Emmett Cullen is not allowed to:
1. Kidnap Bella for revenge against making these lists
2. Bring Edward to a strip club for his bachelor party
3. Take a "Which Twilight Character are You?" quiz and complain that it says he's Edward
4. Ask Carlisle if he's ever met Dracula
5. Go to Confession and tell the priest he did it with a few nuns
6. Tell Bella that Edward won't change her because he's afraid she'd be better looking than him
7. Dress up as a vampire (with fangs and a cape) and hide behind houses
8. Replace all of Alice's socks with condoms
9. Attempt to enroll the whole family in therapy
10. Get red contacts and tell everyone that he ate Charlie...
11. And had Mike for dessert
12. Send Esme fake love letters from Aro
13. Terrorize random old ladies
14. Go up to little girls and say "Ohmygosh, aren't barbies so cool?"
13. Tell Jacob that it's a little cold, and if he can snuggle with him
14. Make an army of vampire trees...
15. And make them attack Jasper when he's reading...
16. And when they don't, start crying and say everyone hates him
17. Sit in a corner and attempt to cut himself...
18. And tell people that he's just doing his best Bella impersonation
19. Only speak in Chinese for a month
20. Dress up as a clown...
21. And ride around town on a unicycle
22. Talk in a high-pitched voice and claim to be Alvin from Alvin and the chipmunks...
23. Or claim to be Alice
24. Tell Jasper that he would make a better soldier than him...
25. And that if he were on the Confederate side, they probably would have won the war
26. Plant Marijuana in Mike's yard
27. Scream "Rapist! Rapist!" when Jasper sits next to him at lunch
28. Invite Jessica Stanley to go skinny dipping with him
29. Call Jasper a "Super hot badass Texan"
30. Hide cookies in Jasper's hair
31. Learn how to play the piano...
31. And make inappropriate lyrics to Bella's lullaby
32. Follow Bella around and copy everything she does...
33. And when she complains, whine "I just wanted to know what it was like to be human again!"
34. Ask girls for their number
35. Make a movie called "Jasper Hale: Serial Killer"...
36. Or "Edward and the Super Sparkly Rainbows"...
37. Or "Emmett and the Unicorn 2: Revenge of Charlie"
38. Ask Alice if she's purposely annoying
39. Ask Jasper why he's so obsessed with purple penguins
40. Write a list of "51 Things I Love about Jasper Hale"
41. Play fetch with Jacob
42. Enroll Paul in anger management class
43. Tell freshmen that capes are cool to wear to school
44. Ask Alice if she's the tooth fairy
45. Make a new TV show about Carlisle called "Dr. Carlisle Condom"
46. Tell people to call Jasper for a good time
47. Get an advice column on the school newspaper
48. Get a bounce house...
49. And force Bella in with Jacob
50. Bedazzle any of Rosalie's bras
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"Do you think he'll ever learn?" Bella asked, taping the list to the wall.
"Really Bella? After all this time, you're still asking that?" Jasper said.
Bella shrugged, putting the final touches on the list.
They heard a loud, "HEY YALL!" and saw Emmett jumping down the stairs with blonde hair and a Confederate Army Uniform.
"Hey yall, I'm Jasper!" Emmett twanged.
"EMMETT!!" Jasper screamed, chasing him around the house.
Bella sighed and wrote:
51. Emmett Cullen is NOT allowed to impersonate Jasper
