Letters through the dark night

Letter 1

Books and words are all I have left.

Do you ever feel the need to just boil down towards the road of madness just because its easier than having to deal with the cold harsh wind that snuffs out any light you choose to bring?

Sometimes, life is - hard - no, not that... Life is... life. What more is there to it than that?

We choose to make it meaningful. 

We choose to make it worthless.

Whatever comes next is just -

Pure madness.

Sometimes, you wonder - What's the point? 

And then there are words. Stories. Ink on paper. 

Those beautiful, scary, artworks of human beings.

If there's one thing that I agree on, it's that words are the scariest, and the most beautiful thing ever created by us.

You see, that's why I don't like writing things down. They have the ability to haunt you. To change you. To change your life within the matter of seconds. Those words don't have to be true and its simply amazing how easily we are manipulated just by mere letters and words, twisted together so elegantly to make a web of stories that intertwine and cross.

That's where YOU come in.

I won't talk about everything in my life. I don't trust my words. I don't trust those words to never leaving the page and going to another hands. I don't trust anybody - yet.

I don't have the time to do it.

I don't want to.

Because I'm scared.

Scared of what the words that flow out of me speaks.

Scared of the words that lie on the blank page.

Scared of the spells they hold.

So what I give you, is just a little piece of my soul. My mind. My precious words. Just to fill in my empty, black head of mine that just needs to spill a little before I walk down towards the unknown path. 

I write to you, so that I can relax and know that I am sane and I'm not alone in this. So that I can see that little glimmer of hope that shines. Because you can never get darkness without a little hope. And without that little hope you can always see that hole basking in its full bloody glory. So you decide to just see nothing, but in the end, we're all humans. Sometimes, we just have to make do.

I tell you.

I don't want to go down the path down towards the edge of the cliff.

I want to see the sunshine.

I see it.

But I also see the endless black hole. The shadows that they surround me in. The thick walls of liquid, bubbling madly, trying to cover up all the sunlight but never covering it all.