Letters through the dark night

Letter 9

"Oh the things I do for you. The things you do for me. The things that became things that all just fell apart." - WinterLE

I don't even know where to start.

I don't really know what brought me here in the first place.

I just suddenly changed. I used to be so calm and peaceful, doing all my work properly. But now? I can't. As soon as You come in, or even appear within a distance from me I can't do it.

All emotions just lash out of me.

I suppose I couldn't keep all my feelings bottled up anymore.

And I'm annoyed.

At me, and at You.

Because of You, I can't do well.

Because of You, I'm emotionally unstable.

Because of You, I pity myself.

The thing is, I know you did all this for me. You helped me. And I helped You.

You raised me up. Literally.

But sometimes the things you did was unacceptable.

You kept telling me to do things, act like you're the boss, tell me things that I should worry about, shout at me, act hypocritically...

Sometimes I wonder if you had anger management issues... or bipolar.

But I guess that was too far fetched.

But I can't blame you for acting so miserably all the time.

I knew you had work to do.

I know that your social and emotional life is unstable.

I know that you get angry and frustrated because of me and the work I cause you to do.

I know that you get peculiar about tiny things.

But still.

What can I do?

Once I fight back, you fight back.

You don't listen to me.

You claim that what You say goes just because.

Just because You were the boss.

You brought us up.

You tell me things, You tell me to work hard, You tell me I needed to do well at school, to get into a good university, get a good job.

That I appreciate.

But You tell me things. Pressure me into this cruel life. Into this cruel society that we live in now. You make it seem as if I'm unacceptable unless I'm the best of the best. That grades were all that mattered. Working was all that mattered.

As soon as I relaxed, You'd walk in and push me out, force me to work.

I appreciate that, because I knew that I was slacking.