From what the title says I
Think you can tell what's going
To be happing in this story...ima have to do a 4part of this or maybe 2parts. 😔
"Elizabeth hurry up what are you doing in there?. that is taking you for ever" I heard Grayson ask me from out side the door. I cried. I looked at myself in the mirror. "Why am I so ugly?!?" I yelled at my self. "Beth are you okay?" Gray was yelling he kicked the bathroom door opened and saw me with blood on my arm "what the...oh my why?" He said as tears started to form in his eyes. I cried and let myself drop to the floor "I hate myself" was the only thing I could say while beating myself more with each thought that popped in my head "NO DONT SAY THAT PLEASE DONT" Grayson cried out "you don't know me gray. Truth is
I'm not for you, you need to be with someone perfect for yo..." I got cut off
"Don't dare you say that your not perfect. Your amazing I don't really get why your cutting....or why this is happening" he said as he went down to where I was at and picked me up. "There's lots of stuff that you have no clue about gray. I don't really know if you deserve to have someone like me" I cried more as he carried me out of the bathroom I cried so much.
"What do you mean I don't know a lot of stuff?" Gray asked me as he laid me on the bed as he went to a cabin and got out the aid kit "I'm ugly. I don't fucking understand why you like me." I screamed at him "I don't ever want you to cut look at this why the fuck would I want someone who hurt them selfs?!?!" He said I felt so hurt. "Your right. Then LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!" I told him.
I'm pathetic, gray doesn't really know what I'm talking about but I do.....when I was 9 all the way till I was 13 I was raped by my step father. I never told anyone only one person and that was my use to be best friend. I told him that.
I knew how it felt like and that I was confused about my sexuality. I know it's hard to understand but ever since that happened to me I felt like men are cowards and I wouldn't let anyone in my life, people at school would give me a hard time. My mom never knew still don't till this day. While I was growing up she got really sick and was always in the hospital and that would give my step dad to hurt me I remember I would beg him to stop. It hurt me. I even dated a girl because I was so confused. Until I found gray I knew I wasn't confused just scared of it happing again. Ever since then it's hunted me and that's why I am like I am. I'm 19 years old yeah I know that was a long time ago but I always kept quite. I guess I was and am scared for people to treat me different. That's why I cut because I feel like I deserve to feel the pain. Grayson's 20 and we've been together for 3years and still haves no clue that I've been doing this. Or at least the reason why?
"I didn't mean it like that" Gray told me I dropped my head and stayed there. "Leave me. It's fine it's not like is the first time someone I cared about and love left me for being stupid" I told him. Yes people have left me. My use to be best friend left me for my foolish actions. That's why I say my use to be best friend, I loved him and cared about him. But my foolish heart died out and we stopped talking. I'm kinda glad because if it wasn't for him leaving I guess I wouldn't be with gray right now.
"Why do you keep telling me to leave you Elizabeth? Huh. Why?" Grayson told me waiting for my respond. I cried in silence for a minute I held my head up as Grayson held my wrist. "Would you kiss her lips knowing a razor kissed her wrist?" I told him "I don't even know anymore" he said "why do you do this?" He told me I started to cry again
"You really want me to tell you?" I question him. "If this is going to help me know why you harm..than yeah I do" he told me as he looked at my wrists one more time and kissed each and every cut they both had on them.
I squeezed my eyes in pain as he continued to kiss my pain full cuts.
"I was..." I continued
___________________________
Part 2 coming up
I hope none of you. Went thru
What I'm writing.😔
peace✌️
