Yes I know this is a Dolan images book. But I don't want to make a book that's only gonna have one chapter so here you go. (Let me know if you like it)
I was waiting for my friend to come back from his trip to la, he went over there for a music type thing. I miss him a lot so I'm here in the airport waiting for him with a huge welcome home sign.
I couldn't stop but help to think what if he's not the same Shawn the one I met when I was in kindergarten the Shawn who protected me. The same Shawn who got all the girls but yet always made time for me. I sighed at my thought and smiled as I see a handsome tall boy with brown eyes sparkling ever so lightly.
He looked at me but didn't smile, I got taken back a bit but maybe his just tired from being on the plane right?
"Hey Shawn" I said with a slight smile.
"Hi" was the only thing he said as he walked pass me and got into the car as I walked on the other side and got in. Yes I'm really emotional so I'm surprised I haven't cried.
I got off when the Uber drove me to my house first, "bye Shawn" I said hoping he was gonna feel better. He stayed quiet...I ran into my house with tears running down my cheek.
I missed him for the past year. I've been through hell and after what just happened... I cried harder. I miss the old him.
"Why can't he change back?! Why can't he be the old Shawn!!!" I screamed because I was the only one at home.
I went up stairs and locked myself into my bedroom bathroom and slide down the wall. I tired hard to hold back my tears but I just couldn't.
I grabbed the blade off the counter and whined as the burning cut on my wrist started drifting in pain.
"Why!! Why can't I help why don't you let me in I know I did wrong but I need you! And I think I'll always will" I said to myself....
No wonder he made no promises about changing when he came back. He knew that this was gonna hurt me. But did he care? No not at all. Should I care? No but I do.
I cried as how pathetic I was being I got up and looked at myself in the mirror and saw myself my poor and ugly self.
I wiped my self with warm water and then I wiped off my bloody dried wrist and let out a sigh. Tomorrow is a new day, school....
•SCHOOL•
Shawn was crowed more than usual I didn't bother to try and talk to him knowing I'll get pushed out of the way. I looked at him betting he didn't even know I was there. I hate ugh I don't even know what I hate. I just really miss him I miss him telling me things were gonna be alright. I miss hugging him when I felt scared. I miss knowing I was safe with him around... did I ruining everything?
I'm afraid so...did I try? I'm not so sure.
Was I not supposed to fall for him. I don't like him right now. I just know that I miss having him around.
But these days he just seems to busy for me. And he also changed his appearance. I hate how he had to change just to be with the 'popular' kids. I've been mad with him ever since he told someone before me about his sexuality. I've been mad at her and him.
I got mad that night. After he told her he brought me outside with her and he told me and she bragged about it like as if it were something to win. I really got mad and told him "and? What? You want me to clap?" I asked him as I reply that moment over and over in my head.
I thought he trusted me but then again little did I know I was gonna lose his trust later on that very same year.
Now I lay here on my bed at 1:14am still thinking about him. And how people have been telling me on what his up too. It hurts me to know that all those tells from people could be true.
His changed I'll tell you that. But I crave knowing the truth. I looked through my contacts until i stop on his name and messaged him.
"You know I forgave you a long time ago" he texted
"Huh" I texted back he didn't respond and I signed.
I turned off my phone and laid on my side and closed my eyes as a tear slid down my cheek.
Feeling that same burning feeling, I always feel when I see him, when I hear stuff about him. Or when I see him around other girls. But I stay quiet.....
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Pt2? Hmu if I should this is based on how I've been feeling since I started the school
I left.
