I was confused as everyone in my school was about me changing "genders" or my clothes wearing... we were doing things in p.e as I kicked the ball I see a tall cute guy may I say. Come and pulled me off to the side. "Hey um Cris right?" He said it sounded more like he was confused...
He looked down to my chest and then looked up to where he basically had to look down again... I nodded as I got nervous about what he was gonna say next. So I ran after the soccer ball and kicked it but something inside me loved that the cutest guy since 6th grade was talking to me. I walked back to him and he looked at me with his hazelnut eyes
"I was gonna ask you something but I didn't wanna ask you it on Snapchat cuz well...I kinda wanted to get a chance to make it more meaningful in person if you get what I mean" he said I chuckled and looked at him and gave him a smile as these two boys crowed us... "well think about it and let me know.." I told him and left him there with his friends. When I was running to get the ball he came back to follow me.
Why did he get suddenly so interested in what gender and shitty rules I am if I've been at this school for about a month...
I told myself in my head and stopped running for the ball. Again. He followed me "yes?" I look at him and laughed "guys can you two go away?" He asked them I think he knew I was getting uncomfortable being in front of them.
"How do I wanna word this" he said he looked like he really didn't wanna hurt me or offend me...I didn't really care cuz it's not like I would talk back to him I looked at him and then with my head told him that his friends were behind him.
"Let's go on the other side of the gym" he said I didn't say anything but I followed him. God his tall. "So tell me how you identify yourself or things" I looked at him unsure "are you closed minded?" I asked him feeling still yet uncomfortable I could feel people staring at us. Shit. They acted as if he the most well known dude of the school was gonna end up fucking with the 'trans' girl:dude however you wanna call it.
He shooked his head "no I'm no where near closed minded I guess" I looked at him I guess I wasn't paying attention cuz I looked at him and gave him a question look. "No I'm not a closed minded dude" he said I smiled and nodded... "well honestly I don't know i don't feel like a dude or a girl if that makes any sense" I said and he looked really confused. "So you basically don't give a fuck about gender rules" he said.
I nodded and looked at him. Oh no... why "pretty much I guess you could call me non binary" I said we walked on the same part of the gym "I'm low key bi" he said I looked at him and smiled "Ethan is bi" he said as if I didn't already know cuz Ethan and I use to be best friends last year.
I nodded. "How come you don't come out?" I asked and he looked at me.. I felt like I could trust him and he could trust me even if we barley just met. "I guess cuz my dads a honorific" he said I nodded "oh yeah I heard that he was abuse- well not abusive but what you said" I said and sighed. "Yeah" he looked at me. and we got on the subject about our family. I told him how I moved because I was suffering about depression and anxiety. He seemed to understand cuz he started saying how he took pills to help him well his mother gave him permission.... that whole day I couldn't stop thinking about the convo we had during pe and how I couldn't stop staring at him when he went to his friends crowding him life and me to my life being the weird quiet kid... I smiled at him one more time and sighed....was I really just doing this cuz I was confused. Am I really having feelings just because we talked one time? I'm scared I'll admit it.... his ex cheated on him as the whole school knew and she hated me ever since summer school cuz I 'took' over her friend.
I was really scared but that didn't stop me from texting him that day asking him if he wanted to go to the mall tomorrow or Friday... he just kept sayin bet and in yes and I had the stupidest smile ever.
Was I gonna end up hurt....was the only question I couldn't answer right than and there. I looked at mine and his chats way before we had the chat. He was really nothing like people said...he was smart, that type of person who looked like they needed help and you'll do whatever it takes to see them happy even if your not feeling the best. He just needed to stop hiding from the shades.
Even if it was just one chat that might have gotten me attached to his world of wonder..... The End.
