Thawing of a Frozen Heart

Chapter Eleven: Elsa (EDITED)

Everything was silent and cold. The wind finally stopped stirring leaving the night lonely again. There was no movement for miles. Almost as if, someone left the world on pause. Her breathing was slow and cautious, afraid of what would happen if she dared to cut the silence. The queen hated nights like these. She abruptly woke up for no reason at all, only to be stuck struggling to fall back asleep. Fueled with frustration and no energy to put up a fight, she sat up in bed and pulled her knees up to her chest. The same way she use to when she was younger and her sister kept calling out her name from the behind her locked doors. She suddenly became aware of her surrounding, after releasing a breath she did not realize she was holding. The sound echoed around her enhancing the darkness. There was no falling back asleep now, when she closed her eyes it was even darker. Why? Why was she struggling to find peace? Why was she overwhelmed with the feeling of fear? What are you so afraid of? The queen could sister hear her sister's voice. She thought long about the answer, but that she did not know.

Her gaze fell onto the chest across her room tucked under the desk. The 'out of sight out of mind' nonsense resulted to be untrue. There was a blanket draped over the large chest but she still knew it was there. It was hard to miss, and even harder to hide, not that she tried enough in the first place. Even in her sleep, it was on her mind. She came across it by mistake of course. Before today, she was not aware that it even existed. She discovered it in the hidden office after stumbling over a trapped door tucked away under an old rug. To her luck, the key she found was the one to open it. Before she could be thrilled about luck finally standing by her side, the chest revealed to have a different seal. Thus rendering the key useless to the lockless chest. Honestly, it was no surprise. Along with the chest laid a storage container with more notes, maps, and journals. At first glance, she slammed the door shut and laughed. It was unintentional, she told herself. The sound that escaped from her mouth was a surprise to her. This laugh was not the kind that could brighten up any room. Anger fueled this laugh. Almost like the chest was too good to be true, until it was not anymore. Now it was a cruel joke that the universe was playing on her. There was nothing funny about it. Instead of being made a mockery of by the universe, the queen snuck her findings into her bedroom suite. The rest of the day consisted of Elsa sorting through the paperwork, examining the maps, and skimming through the journals. It felt like hours. Endless hours.

That was earlier in the day. Right now, she imagined herself doing the same exact thing again, once the sun rose, and again the next day, and the following, for forever. Always finding nothing. Maybe that is why she could not fall back asleep. Maybe if she did not close her eyes the never-ending cycle did not have to begin. Maybe?

No. Deep down Elsa knew something was wrong, even more so than before. It was one to feel fear. To be afraid. Once upon a time, fear consumed the queen. It was a feeling all too familiar. However, this was different. It was almost painful. That much, she was certain of.

She remained awake until a sprinkle of gold dust blew in her face. As for where it came from, she did not see. Whatever it was, it helped her shoulders loosen, and her eyes fall shut. She felt herself fall back into the bed, and the covers slide up to her chest, almost by magic. Drifting asleep her lips curled into a sad smile at the idea. Magic? Right.

Her mind wandered onto a different lifetime. One where she was very much both happy and powerful. Elsa's eyes were the bluest then. Her hands were warm and interlocked with her sister's. They were minutes away from entering the Christmas ball hosted at the heart of the castle. Kristoff was standing aside of the guards at the large double doors waiting to escort Anna inside. His smile was bright and wide but it could never compare to Anna's. Nothing could. With one last hug, Elsa lightly pushed her sister towards her one true love. Their happiness radiated for endless miles. Most people feel that such a love would be a burden to be constantly around, but that could not be further from the truth. Never has Elsa felt lonely while in their company. The real burden was to be convinced that being surround by a person who has someone to love forever is heartbreaking. If only the world knew, it was wrong. Being able to witness true love was, and will continue to be, hopeful and healing. Never did the queen feel resentment or uncomfortable, if anything, she felt safer. She could not fight the smile on her face when she heard the couple's names being announced followed by the loudest cheering. Everyone loved them together. After them, it was the queen's turn to make her appearance. She took a minute to straight her posture and exhaled. In this memory, she nods at the guards and then the Herald announces her title. This time no one does a thing. She cleared her throat trying to get the guards attention only to cause an irritating tickle to commence. Her instinct is to ignore it but suddenly felt it swelling. Elsa swallowed hard and stepped back for some fresh air. Her footsteps came to a hasty end when the lights shut off. Everything went black. Filled with confusion she glanced over her should and then forward again. "Hello?" She asked. Met with nothing but silence she walked towards the large doubled doors. "Hello?" Again nothing. "Anna?" Her voice comes out a whisper. She felt her stomach drop. The tickle in her throat grew irritated and she coughing it away. The harder she exhaled the more she struggled to breathe. "Anna!" She forced a yell. She felt for the handles of the door and pushed but it was sealed closed. "Anna!" The queen became worried. "Olaf?" He was always around when least expected it. He would surely appear. She banged on the doors until something came over her and she could no longer more a muscle. "Hello!" She shouted, praying the guards would react. Not a word from anyone. She was afraid she was alone. Her screams came out raw and burned her throat until her voice cracked. Keep it together. Conceal. Don't feel. Don't feel. The queen used all the strength she had to not panic. Then a breeze crept down her neck forming goosebumps along her skin and raising the hairs on her arms. "Anyone out there?" A part of her does not want there to be a response. Still, she felt someone's presence nearby. She could not make anything out in the dark. The temperature seemed to drop. It did not raise any alarms at first because it was normal when feeling anxious. Then, it became even colder. Even for her, who was never bothered by the cold. She grew tired of fighting to move. Her muscles ached like growing pains only worse-much worse. Her nose began to run. "Stop it!" She commanded. Her voice was weak and came out as a cry. There was no response again but she knew she was not alone. "Whoever you are, stop it!"

The nightmare continues. "Why-y a-are you d-oing th-is to me?" By now, her body was trembling so much it felt like she was having a seizure. Elsa cried until she could no longer feel the tears running down her face. She could not feel anything anymore. She was completely numb. When she choked on her cough, it felt like hours of battle with herself. The current thought lingering in the back of her mind come through again. Give up. No. She would not, not when she still had her sister. Give up. No. I cannot do that to Anna. I cannot do that to the Kingdom. I will not. Give up. No. I do not have it in me. Give up. No. I-I. Give up. Give up. I-Give up. Give up. Her eyes were swollen shut from crying. There was no energy to fight. Never would she have thought that there was something worse than being consumed by fear. Tonight she learned she was wrong. There was something much, much worse. Being destroyed by fear.

Give up. Anna is no longer here. Look around. You have no one. You are alone. Give up.
There she fell, against the door with her legs up to her chest. Her head resting on her knees. "Feel your fear." Spoke an ugly voice into her ear. She did not need a mirror to know that she grew paler at the sound. She did not want to believe someone was watching her. She did not want to believe that someone was torturing her. "Come on." The demonic voice continued. "Come on." It grew louder and louder. She looked up ready to meet her demon but found herself staring into a mirror of her own reflection. She stood up suddenly able to move again. Her reflection followed her movements swiftly. Elsa was terrified. The eyes staring back at her could not be hers. Those eyes were filled with hate and hunger for fear. They were bloody red and pitch black at the same time. The longer she looked into them the weaker she felt. Without warning, a sharp pain in her chest appears. She clenched onto her heart wishing her sister was around to warm it up. It was hopeless. Frost began to cover her hands and crawl all over her body. This was it. She was turning into ice. "That's right." Her reflection laughed. The evil sound surrounded her like oxygen. She could not move away when a hand came out of the mirror and pushed her frozen body backwards. Elsa was falling. "Feel your fear!"

The queen woke up sweating and breathing fast and hard. A blanket of snow and a blizzard coming to a slow and steady stop surrounded her. She hugged herself and frowned trying her hardest not to cry. Give up.

"I want this to be over." She sobs quietly into her hands.

Give up.