permanently unfinished.

tragedy.

honestly, it's a tragedy. we are a tragedy.

the worst thing to think of is the fact that you were once a boy that was happy. not completely, but happy enough. happy with yourself. happy with the world.

but things arose from the ashes and ripped you to shreds. over and over. no mercy. no one ever even apologized.

eventually, that happy boy, broke. you broke. the sadness you felt was gone and you transformed into this empty shell of a former self.

every once in a while, i see that happy boy pop out of you. when we are dancing in your kitchen in the refrigerator light. or when we laugh so hard we can't breathe. he'll come out to tell me he loves me every once in a while.

if i could ever meet the people who hurt you, i would dismember them. finger by finger, toe by toe. because you were so amazing. and i never got to see how amazing you could be.

the people who treated you like the dirt they walk on, got the happy you. and they didn't even deserve it. i deserve the happy you.

but it's a tragedy, the happy you is masked by self hatred and self doubt. pessimism mistaken for being realistic. the whole world isn't out to get you, amazing boy.

i deserve the amazing you. but sadly, it's a little too late for that. because we are over 100 days in and i still break every time you say you hate yourself. but gorgeous boy, how could you hate such an effortless, flawless being carefully created by the sun and the moon and stars?

i wish i could have the amazing you, but it's too late for us. just don't be too late for the next one who deserves the amazing you.

i swear...

                                                   it's a tragedy.