After You Left (Lucaya)

9.

Maya's POV

I walked up to Claire's door and took a breath before knocking on her door. I heard her say come in so I entered. She had a confused look on her face. Like she was trying to piece together what just happened.

"Hey, I wanted to talk to you." I said to her as I sat on the end of her bed.

"I wasn't expecting it to be you. Once you're mad, you're mad, end of story." She replied.

"I'm not that bad Claire." I said to her.

"If you weren't, you wouldn't have flipped out that we weren't answering you, you could have just trusted that he had it handled." My twelve yeAr olds words smacked me right in the face.

"I'm sorry, I just feel the need to protect you all the time and having him here after all these years is still new to me." I apologized to her. I was being too hard on her."I love you, get some sleep."

"I love you, too, mom." She said as I quietly closed her door and headed back to the living room.

When I got back out in the living room I found Lucas glued to the tv. I sat down next to him and just looked at him and nothing: it was like nobody was alive in his head.

"Huckleberry seriously?" I spoke up finally after being there for 15 minutes.

"I'm sorry, what?" His attention turned to me suddenly.

"I've been sitting here for 15 minutes and you haven't said a word." I said to him.

"Sorry, Claire got me enthralled in this show while we were eating dinner." He replied and I rolled my eyes at him.

"This is the vampire diaries Lucas." I have to admit I have watched the series once or twice.

"Anyways how did it go with Claire?" He asked me.

"It went well. I also think she's starting to like you, she was rather defensive of you." I told him and he had nothing, but a big smile on his face.

"That honestly makes me so happy Maya, I was really trying with her today. By the way, her love for pizza is just like your love for tacos. It's quite ridiculous." He seemed excited to tell me about this. I think it's cute seeing him all happy about bonding with Claire.

"Oh I know. She has your likes with my personality. It's awful." I retorted.

"Some would say she's the best of both of us, but close enough." He replied. "Hey, I actually wanted to ask you something.."

"Like what?" I hesitated to ask him at first. His change in tone scared me. He went from pretty happy to unsure. Like he was but wasn't here.

"What are we?" He looked at me directly in the eyes as he asked me this.

"I don't really know what we are Lucas.." I replied.

"Are you really that stubborn to see your own feelings?" He asked and I drew a blank because this was a start of a fight and this is exactly what I was afraid of if I got attached to him emotionally again.

"No, actually I'm not. I know my feelings. I've known them since I was fifteen years old. When you truly love someone it doesn't really go away." I could feel myself getting emotion after that statement. All I want to do is kiss him and I'm forcing myself not to. I keep reminding myself that things aren't the same as they used to be and there's a kid involved now too.

"Then why can't you be with me? I want us to be a family. I'm trying here Maya."  He said with pleading eyes. He knows I hate that look because I cave almost every time.

"Lucas, things aren't how they used to be. Everyone's lives are so different now. I can't have something happen and it break Claire's heart all over again.." I rose my voice a little bit at him. I could feel a tear coming down my cheek. He reached over and wiped the tear from my face.

"Maya.. don't cry. Things are wouldn't be different had my parents stayed her all those years ago, but Maya, look at me, I want to see your eyes while I say this." He cupped my face with his hands and tilted my chin up a little bit so I was looking directly at him. "Maya, I love you. I've always loved you since the moment we met. I would never even dream of hurting you or Claire: you both mean so much to me. Even her, Maya, the moment i laid my eyes on her I had this feeling I knew her from somewhere but I couldn't place it. Then when she called for her mom and you stepped out I should have put it together then, but I wasn't thinking. I would never leave you on. If you're worried about what people would think then forget them. This is about you and me remember?"

"if you love me then you'll give me time to get my head sorted out." I replied quietly, but I knew he heard me. He seemed rather disappointed, and that's the last thing I want to do to him is disappoint him.

"Take the time you need. I understand. I just need to know these times we've kissed if it wasn't just some fleeting moment or if they actually mean something to you like it does with me." He said in a serious tone.

"Lucas I wouldn't just kiss you because i was bored if that's what you're insinuating." I said feeling a little insulted of my intentions. "I would never do that. Any kiss we've ever shared the past twelve years mean everything to me and I don't think you understand how much it really does mean to me."

"Maya, I wasn't accusing you of anything." He laughed. "I'm happy with just knowing you're at least feeling something when things happen between us."

"You have no idea..." I retorted.

Lucas and I talked until late, reconnecting. It was like a fresh start. I don't see a need for us to have any type of label right now. Things will fall in to place eventually, once I get over my anxiety about being with him again, then everything would be perfect. I don't want Claire or myself to lose him again. Once we realized it was 3am he started getting around to go home. I walked him to the door and gave him a hug. He held me so close to him, it was really comforting. He broke the hug and slightly pulled away so he could see me.

"Hmm, there is one thing I want to do before i leave." He said.

He put his finger under my chin and brought me closer to his face. I could feel my heart beating 100 miles per hour. He then leaned in and kissed me. It wasn't like the other kisses. It wasn't quick or rough. It was very sweet and passionate. I know what he's doing, he's testing my feelings because he knows I would pull away if I didn't want it. He also knows exactly what to do to make me crumble. I hate that he knows how to do that too.

"Goodnight Maya." He said after he pulled away and headed out the door leaving me speechless.