I'm Bored .-.

Please

(Video is a song by Kiiara called Tennessee)

This may be sensitive content to readers as it contains serious issues.

If you feel like suicide is the answer, please take a moment and count to 10. Breathe slow and calm, in a controlled form. Then think what it would do. It would break others and make them blame themselves. If not live for your self, live for others. I had to use the excuse of it effecting my family and close friends to pull me from the dark thoughts. I knew I never would commit suicide, but I threw my life away. I wasn't myself, I didn't care anymore. I was a zombie. Devoid of all thoughts and feelings except for emptiness.
I took the irrational route and called myself selfish and pathetic for my negative thoughts. Sure it helped, but it ruined me at the same time. It pulled me away, but I despise myself. I should have thought of it as me being important and necessary, like all of you, but I pitied and hated myself. (I'm not going to lie, this was pretty recent and I'm still going through the after affects.) It's not something you can get over easy, it takes time. A lot of time to be exact. You can't just think "I'm going to stop being sad and depressed.". If that's how it worked no one would struggle. You have to take it step by step, do little things to help. I don't want to recommend certain things since what I went through wasn't depression, when you want to be happy, but your brain has an issue with positive thoughts, I just gave up hope. (Never lose hope in these situations!) I don't have the answers, no one does. It's a flaw in humans. We think we have every answer, but in reality we still have a loose interpretation of the world. It's quite funny how we act as if we are superior, but that's for another topic.
All I can say is stay determined and don't give up hope. I know it can feel like there's no one in the dark place to help you, but I promise people care about you. It just takes some time to find the right people to be around and help you. If a 'friend' doesn't care to listen and help you then why care about them? Why keep them in your life when all they do is hurt you? Take a step back and think about the person. Do they build you up and do what ever they can to help you or do they use you to get what they want in life? Cut the negative from your life and little by little, you could find happiness. True happiness.

Please tell me if I'm wrong about anything and feel free to comment if you want to rant or anything! I'll be here to listen and help as best as I can and others can as well. Any negative or hate will be blocked so don't be scared of judgement. I know what it feels like to be scared and I don't want you to go through it as well. Love you guys~^·^