After dinner that night, I headed back down to my room. Riley joined me to give me company, and so that he could rest, without so much noise around him. I sat at my desk, laptop open in front of me; I was working on my blog. I typed away, and then I hit the publish button. I stared at the list of friends that were on-line, and there was no one that I wanted to talk to.
I leaned back in my computer chair, and then sighed. Riley raised his head, and looked at me.
"Your not the only one who is bored."
I heard a "bloop" sound, and I turned back to my laptop. A IM popped up on the screen, and blinked a couple times.
"Huh?"
I leaned forward, and opened the IM. It was sent by someone I didn't know, and I looked at what they said.
"Hey, I've read you blog before, and I absolutely love reading it."
I carefully placed my fingers onto the keyboard, and began typing.
"Hi. I'm glad you like my blog, not many people actually do like it."
I hit enter, and sat back, waiting to get an answer.
"I, myself, am having some problems going through school. I'm a gay myself."
I sat up, and stared at the last line. "I'm a gay myself." He admitted it to another gay. I sat there stunned. Curious if this person was even male I thought about asking him. I leaned forward, and then stroked the keys, on the keyboard. I wasn't sure how to go about asking him.
"That is awesome, but now you have gotten me curious, are you a male?"
I watched the screen, wanting a response so badly.
"I am male."
My mind raced suddenly to different possibilities. Maybe we could meet up, or send pictures of each other to one another. A possible relationship?
He sent me another message quickly, "I was wondering if I may see a picture of you?"
For the first time, in what seemed like forever, I might have actually smiled. I snatched up my camera, which happened to be a digital SLR Nikon camera. I walked over to the large full length mirror, and stood looking at myself in it.
My black hair seemed off, and I flipped it over to the proper side. I stared, at my screamo band shirt, and black jeans. "Yeah... I look good.."
I held the camera up, and then carefully tilted my head to the side away from the camera. I shoved my free hand into my pocket, and then took the picture. I changed over to picture viewing, and looked at the picture. It looked good, it wasn't blurry or kinda off.
My laptop made the trademark "bloop" sound of my blogs chat. I looked towards the screen to see that he had sent me another message. I strolled over to the desk, and set my camera down.
"You don't have to be afraid, or you don't have to if you don't want to."
I stared at the screen, and thought for a minute. 'What if he is a pedophile? No... He can't be... I mean I restricted my blog to those who are of age thirteen and up.'
I breathed in, and sat down on my chair. I stroked the keys on the keyboard again, and watched the little cursor in the text box blink.
"You are the age that I think you are correct?" I asked.
"Of course!"
I breathed out, and then hooked my camera up to my laptop quickly transferring all my pictures on it to my laptop. Once finished I clicked send file on my blog's chat box, and then quickly browsed through photos. I selected the one I had just taken, and hit send. I watched the screen impatiently, and tapped my toes on the floor.
I finally gotten a response, it was a happy face followed by "You are friggin hot!"
A huge smile broke out across my face, and I quickly responded. "What about you? Do I get to see a picture of you?"
After a couple minutes I received a picture file from him, and I opened it right away. I was stunned, it wasn't just any type of gay guy. It was another emo gay guy.
I was taken aback, this young man was bloody gorgeous. He had medium length black hair that had bright blue tips, his eyes were a soft grey, and his body was slender, and thin. He was wearing a screamo band t-shirt as well, it was the same band that was on my shirt.
My fingers hit the keyboard, and I started typing. "O.M.G. You are so fucking beautiful!"
I saved his picture to my computer, and then looked back to my blogs chat box.
"Thank you, you know maybe one day we could meet up, you live in New York, correct?"
"Yes, I do!"
"Then let's meet tomorrow! Say in the Times Square?"
"Sure! I have time after school."
I looked towards my closet, and thought about what I might wear. I chuckled as I found myself thinking like a female. I looked at the time, and thought that it may have been a good time for a shower. I turned to my laptop, and quickly typed my good-bye.
"I'm going to go have a shower, and then crash for the night"
"Alright see you tomorrow then."
I then pushed away from my desk, and collected up my towel, before walking upstairs. I passed by the living room filled with my father's friends, they were practically glued to the tv. I tried sneaking past the men, but my father looked over at me.
"Get over here you."
I grumbled a bit, and slowly walked over, my eyes on the floor. "Yes?" I asked politely.
"Why don't you join us for some fun?"
"I was just going to go have a shower."
"You will sit down, and you will join us."
"I'm not a football watcher like you are..."
My eyes widen when I looked around the room for the first time. They weren't just watching football, they were all naked, and my mother was on the other side of the room. She was being used by three of my fathers friends, I gulped, and stepped away from my father.
"Get back over here!"
My father reached out and grabbed my wrist, and pulled me back towards him. He grabbed my hair, and pulled me into his lap.
********************************************************
Laying down in the tub, the water from the shower head beating down upon me. I had curled myself into a ball, with tears streaming down my face. I had been sobbing for several hours now, the hot water, had stopped, and it was just cold water.
I finally turned off the water, and climbed out of the tub. I wrapped my towel around me, and walked downstairs to my bedroom. I closed the door, and then walked over to my bed, collapsing onto it. I pulled the blankets over my body, and curled into a ball. The lights were still off, and I just fell asleep.
Nightmares feasted on my fear of my father, and I was stuck in a nightmare where I was being used non-stop by my father. Inside my nightmare there were no breaks, it was just a constant torture till I woke in the morning.
I gulped as I looked around my room, the whole place to me looked like a dungeon. I went to place my face in my hands, and then remembered that I had something to look forward to after school.
"Right..." I breathed in.
