So, I said in the first part of this book that I'd talk about being diagnosed with bipolar so here's another little story.
So I actually kind of talked about this in a one shot but obviously changed some things...like the whole death part for instance. So this was a couple weeks after eating disorder treatment started and so I was already emotional. But I had been having those types of mood swings for a good bit beforehand. I actually started showing signs earlier than most would since my doctor traced it back to 15. But I would be on top of the world and feel like I could do anything and be really productive and shit and it was great. But that would last about a week and then for the next couple weeks I'd have no motivation, I didn't really feel like getting out of bed unless I had to, and it generally just sucked. But my parents didn't really realize it was an actual condition so it was just like "that's just Mei." But one night I was having trouble sleeping. Like major trouble. I literally was lying in bed for a solid 3 hours wide awake and full of energy. It was definitely weird and I kind of got that something wasn't quite right. So I sat up on my bed to grab some water. But when I did I swore I saw something staring at me. So I just stayed still because I was frickin terrified (I was 16 so...). But I closed my eyes, opened them, and it was gone. I figured it was from lack of sleep but then I started hearing stuff. It was people like my mom and friends screaming at me, telling me I ruined their life or that they wished I had died. It all got too much so I ran to the bathroom, grabbed some sleeping meds, and downed all of them (so like a quarter of a bottle). Obviously, I wasn't thinking straight and I just wanted the shit to stop. So then I went back to my room as my mind started to quiet down and eventually fell asleep. But my mom had heard me running so not too long after she came into my room to check on me and realized I wasn't breathing right. She couldn't wake me up and took me to the hospital. Thankfully they managed to work it out of my system and I was fine. I told them about what had happened when I finally woke up and they asked me some questions. I ended up being diagnosed with bipolar I. But I will say that since then, I've never had another manic episode, just hypo mania (which is basically just less intense and actually not bad). It's just really cycles of that and depressive episodes. So I'd say bipolar II is probably more accurate and I'm planning on asking my doctor about it. But I'm on meds and stuff so it's not extremely noticeable. There's some instances where one hits harder than usual but other than that it's a cycle of mild/moderate highs and lows. So I'm actually doing ok with it.
So yeah, that's the bipolar story and near death experience that inspired the one shot "sleeping pills." I hope you...enjoyed? I dunno.
Anyways, until next time... XD
