N3RV3 Phan AU

AR3 YOU A WATCH3R OR A PLAY3R?

They were invincible. They were unstoppable. The two had won thousands of pounds doing the dates but that didn't matter. They could win as much money as they wanted but it wouldn't be enough. Doing something with their lives was what excited them. Being together was all that mattered.

Weeks went by and they were becoming the most watched Players in London. Even Pj dropped out because he had bailed on a dare; something that would have happened eventually. After all, PJ's boastful and pretentious personality was to compensate for the lack of confidence and low self esteem.

"Peej?" A starry eyed northern boy said to him, "it's okay! It was just a game anyway. You would have gotten hurt! And I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you did. After all I care about you so fucking much..."

"Thanks Chris. That means a lot to me. You're such a great friend," Pj said as Chris's smile fell slightly. Chris went in for a hug but Pj just pat his back.

"I'm gonna go take a shower now, wait up for me chap, we'll go grab coffee," Pj said, grabbing a towel.

"Okay mate, I'll just... Be here, I guess."

Chris adored Pj. He worshipped him. It was much more than a crush. Pj was like his dad. Except a really hot dad... That he loved. Chris would do anything to protect him. He would keep him out of harm and kill anyone who hurt him. The only problem was that Pj didn't love him back. He never saw them as more than just friends and it burned in his heart every day and every second of his life. But it had to be this way. He could never know. It could ruin their friendship. It wouldn't work out anyway. Pj had his eyes on someone else. He had his eyes on Dan. And it's been this way since grade school. It wasn't fair, but all Chris wanted was for him to be happy. But if Dan slips even just a little, Chris will be there to pick up where he left off.

"Chris what are you looking at?" Pj asked, looking at Chris, who seemed to be staring off into the depths of oblivion.

"It was nothing. Let's get that coffee."

***

P H I L ' S P O V

"Dan!" Phil yelled at him with a burn of rage and fear in his eyes. Dan swiftly turned around to show were the blood was splattered on his arms and shirt. Phil made eye contact with Dan's kill crazy eyes. They weren't warm. They were cold. His focus shifted from his dead eyes, to the shining blade now stained with red, to the dead body, and then to the blood. Oh, the blood. The blood was the worst of all. There was so much of it as well; the cold body full of death was dripping warm crimson life.

"What the fuck have we done? What the fuck have you done?!"

Phil was furious at him, but he was also scared. He pursed his lips into a fine line. "Dan?..."

Dan's eyes warmed up and the grip on his knife loosened as it fell to the ground. Dan's now empty hands were now shaking as he looked at his blood stained hands. Without wiping them, he brought them to his face, mixing his never ending tears with the blood, still warm, now falling to the floor below him.

I took his shaking hands to steady them. Once I lifted his hands off his face, there was a hand shaped crimson mark on his cheeks and over his eyes like a mask than he never wanted to have.

"Phil... P-Phil you don't understand I-"

"I know, I know Dan, we killed him. It was a dare and we did it but now it's over. It was a bad nightmare. One where we were ruthless murderers. But now it's morning and we have to get our asses up and out of here and forget the nightmare that ever existed," Phil said, holding his face in his hands.

"No Phil that's not-"

"What's not what? Dan we have to move on, we have to run, you-"

"I enjoyed it!" Dan yelled. It was silent. Even the birds squirming in the trees paused, listening to the confession.

"Y-You what?"

"I wanted to kill him. When I held the knife in my hand and I felt alive. It was a part of my arm. I held the razor high and passed through his body over and over again and I loved it. I don't know why but I felt like a different person. The piercing of the knife through his flesh was therapeutic. It made me feel like I was strong. Like I was in control. For once," Dan's crying ceased as this newfound feeling overcame him. I looked at him terrifyingly.

"I'm sorry was that too much?" Dan said, embarrassed. I softened my face into worry and comfort.

"Dan, we will get through this together. I'll help you. We are partners," I layed a kiss on his forehead. "I promise. But we can't kill anymore people. That was too risky and very very fucked up."

"I promise Phil. We won't kill any more people unless we have to," Dan said. I frowned at that statement.

"Okay okay we won't kill anymore people at all. I promise. Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a cupcake in my eye." He crossed his heart with his thumbs.

"A cupcake?" I asked, confused.

"It's much less intense than a needle," Dan explained. A siren sounded in the distance. Someone must have heard the screaming.

"We have to get out," I grabbed his hand and ran into the brush, leaving the body by the rippling river.

***

     Pj was walking home from his shift when he heard a rustling in the bushes. He stopped in his tracks and turned to the bushes, hands defensive and heart pounding out of his chest. Out ran two men, covered in blood. Pj screamed bloody murder.

"Pj! Pj it's okay! It's me!" Dan yelled, shaking the shoulders of his petrified friend.

"D-Dan! Why are you covered in blood are you okay?" Pj looked at his clothing. It was stained with dry, crimson red and brown blood.

"Pj, I'm fine just, don't tell anyone okay?"

"I won't, I promise," he looked at the second man, recognizing his blue eyes and blood stained lips. "You. You did this to him. You're making him do all of his shit you bastard,"

     Dan wasn't looking until he heard a crack like skin against skin. He turned around to see a bright red hand print on Phil's right cheek, and Pj holding his hand. Before Dan could explain, Pj ran away. Dan and Phil looked at each other, and then back at the road.

     They had just killed a man. For money. They were going insane. Dan was going insane. Phil was starting to get scared of his best friend.

***

     They were sitting on Phil's bed late at night. Dan was cuddling in the warmth of Phil's body, head against his chest. They were just sitting, enjoying each other's company.

"Dan?" Phil asked, running a hand through his hair.

"Yes?" He replied.

"I love you," Phil said with the most intent, sparkling his blue eyes at Dan.

     Dan didn't know how to reply. Love didn't exist. It never did. Even I'd it did, how could he love someone else if he couldn't love himself first? He didn't have his life together anyway. Phil was just doing this for the enjoyment of viewers. He didn't know if he could trust him. He couldn't have his heart broken. If love did exist, he didn't want the worry of losing someone he loved again. No. Not after what had happened last time. Enough was enough for Dan. He was so hurt, so damaged; and he was far beyond repair. Maybe Phil could put some bandaids on his shattered heart, but he would never be able to heal it.

     It was silent.

"Dan? Did you hear me? I said I love you," Phil repeated "I love you Daniel Howell. I love you to the ends of the Earth."

Silence. Dan thought hard.

"I don't."

***
A/N:
THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR STICKING WITH ME. IF YOU HAVE ANY MORE SUGGESTIONS FOR WHERE THIS SHOULD GO BEFORE I REACH THE FINALE LET ME KNOW! UNTIL NEXT TIME

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!
<3