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"...I'm readjusting..."
"Okay, me personally, I believe you've had an absolutely horrible first three days, therefore, tonight is the perfect night to get out and have a little fun! What do you say?" Bryn, my best friend and savior, questioned me over the phone. I was walking to lunch alone. Thankfully, it was Friday, since we started the first day back to school on a Wednesday. At least now I'd have the weekend to catch my breath.
Bryn, was short for Braylen. The two of us had been best friends for practically our entire lives, and to put it simply, the girl knew how to party. The two of us didn't waste time at high school parties with kegs, jocks, and the usual skanks, no, we got ourselves into trouble with a little more severity. The few times we went out, it was always to fancy bars in the city. We already looked the part, so getting in was never an issue with the help of our fake ids. Despite the good girl outer appearance I maintained during school, I found a lot of joy and relief in a proper adult party. I let my hair down and practically became a new person. No longer the shy girl afraid to even talk to an attractive guy; maybe it was just the alcohol in my system.
"You know me too well, Braylen Kovitz," I said smirking, as I grabbed a tray of food, an apple, and a banana. I ignored the stares I received for being on my phone and headed for the first empty table I spotted.
"Aside from the prick KitKat Klan members and all, I'm sure things will lighten up eventually. I wish I could chit-chat for longer but my lunch period is ending love bug!" She said cheerily. I could hear the lunch room chatter on the other end, which only made me miss my old school with my best friends and more importantly people of color.
"I can't believe you're joking about this right now. What if they try something Bryn? I've been looking over my shoulder every damn minute...feel like I can't trust a single damn white person in here. I've reached a new low. I'm eating lunch alone," I sighed heavily, glancing around the cafeteria to see that I was indeed the only black girl in the room. Where the hell are my folks?
"Hmph. Really wish I could come up there and knock some sense into their ignorant asses. I'd bring the Black Panthers up there. Fuck with my best friend if they want to. You say the word and we'll come stomping," She went on, speaking so fast that I could only laugh at her rushed words. She was a small girl, and talking a lot of smack, but one thing was for sure, if those white boys did try something, I could count on her and all my other guy friends to be there to have my back. What I loved most about West Point High was that they were very close knit. We all grew up together; we were one big family, and even with me gone, we'd remain that way for sure.
"Alright, will do Bryn, I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"Yeah sure, be at my house at six tonight, I have this new dress that was too big for me and I feel like your fat ass can rock the hell out of it," She said emphasizing the fact that my ass was larger than hers. Jealous was an understatement. She practically oozed over it, grabbing and squeezing whenever she damn well pleased like any other guy may have felt entitled to. Although I hated it, she had been doing it for so long now that I didn't even react when she did it.
After I finally agreed to being at her house by six, we both said our goodbyes and ended the call. I sighed heavily, missing her voice instantly as I brought my phone down to face me. While I ate my apple, I scrolled through Instagram, trying to go into my own world and not focus too much on the fact that I had eaten alone for the past three days. Was I really going to do that for the entire school year? If this was how senior year was going to go, then I was going to be in for nothing but disappointment.
By the time twenty minutes passed of me just scrolling away on my phone mindlessly, the lunch bell sounded from above, letting me know that my lunch period had ended and I had about ten minutes to get back to class. I was still pretty salty about not getting a lunch period with either Callie or Calvin, so I sighed rather heavily, not excited about heading back to my third block class. Although I would've enjoyed the company, I didn't know who I could trust at this school. So I wasn't in a hurry to make any friends.
Unfortunately for third block, I had Advanced Placement English Literature and my teacher was some old hag that could barely keep herself awake during her own lesson. She was narcoleptic and about every twenty minutes couldn't help dozing off. Due to this school's lack of funding, they claimed that they were unable to do anything about a replacement, and offered for us all to have the class online, but in a joint class so that if we did have any dire questions, we'd be able to bounce them off of one another.
Given the circumstances, it was my least favorite block of the day. It was practically a free block, because all of the other students opted to finish all their assignments at home and instead slack for the entire period. To put it simply, it was a let's talk as a class block, and with no friends of my own, it became a sit on your phone the entire time block. I know I should be a little more optimistic about everything, but if I'm being honest, those KKK boys really spooked me out.
I just wanted to keep my head down and finish strong so I could just get my diploma already. Fooling with these white folks was not what I was trying to do, if it was only going to get me into some trouble I did not want to be in.
+++
Once I got home, my dad demanded to know how things were going for me so far. For the first time in years, I pulled a fake smile and lied straight to his face. Somehow the feeling of guilt I expected to feel, never came. It was like I was protecting him or something by keeping the truth from him. God knows how he'd react to hearing that the KKK had invaded my school and weren't going anywhere for all we knew.
"It went really good dad. I'm readjusting. They do things very differently from West Point," I said, waiting for his pleased response, but what he said instead surprised me.
"I'm sorry I made you switch schools for your senior year sweetheart. I just wanted you to have a chance," He muttered with a smile that indicated that it pained him to admit that. I could hear the slight crack of his voice, as a warning that the tears might indeed fall.
"Dad.." I tried to stop him, but he waved me off before continuing.
"I mean that. As much as I hate it, this new school has the credentials. They may not be the best, but any white school that a black woman can come out on top at is practically a damn free ride to college, and if that makes me a bad person in terms of staying in our community like everyone else, simply for wanting better opportunities for you, then it's worth it, damnit."
I couldn't find my voice after that, so I just nodded my head, accepting my fate. I wasn't wrong to lie, I was wrong to keep up the lie. I had a million chances to warn him, tell him exactly how I felt and how uncomfortable everything made me.
How I had eaten alone, and practically hadn't uttered a single word to another person outside of a brief phone call with Bryn. How I encountered boys that frightened me just as much as they frightened my teacher - the only black person on administration that I had come to know. I should've told him then the truth; I should've said something, before it was too late.
