Zalgo's Daughter (But A Crackhead)

3: Prudanski used "YEET"! It's very effective!

  Dad found out and scolded me for ditching school.

  I mean, in my defense, it was totally not my fault.  Blame it on the teachers! Sue the school for being so irritatingly boring! Blame it on Zalgo, he's the one who made me attend school (Completely unnecessary to, by the way)! But don't blame it on me, I'm innocent!

  Nevertheless, Zalgo scolded me for ditching school, he said it was irresponsible of me, he wasted his money just for me, blah blah blah...

  No one asked you to send me to a MORTAL school in the first place.

 I may be 10 years old, but I'm smart enough to know that we, creepypastas, do NOT need to go to mortal school.  Or either he just thought that I was stupid. There's plenty of schools for creepypastas, so that left me confused all over again.

  And that wasn't even the end of it. He grounded me and took away ALL of my electric devices within reach. I can't even vent out my frustrations to my followers on Instantgram or post any stories! What if my followers think I'm dead, or worse, UNFOLLOW ME?

(Instantgram: A form of social media used by creepypastas, where they each follower/worshipper they get makes them stronger and more influential. This form of social media has absolutely no connection to something mortals call "Instagram" at all, no plagiarism, nope.)

Zalgo's POV

  Kid knows what's up.

  I mean, yeah I should've known that she was smart for her age, having cunning and calculative creepypastas surrounding us 24/7 eventually forces everyone in our world to be on guard all the time so we wouldn't have buckets of lava falling onto our heads every time we open a door. So eventually all the nutheads became smart, and pranking people gets harder and harder by day.

  Yes, we, creepypastas are crackhead killers. And we're proud of it, it's just that the humans we meet don't really have the time to write this interesting fact about us on Wikipedia cause they get killed. Oh well.

  Sorry, I went off the topic. Back to the subject- 

Kid knows what's up.

  She may have the face, body and age of a ten year old, but her mind...oh no, it's completely different. She's basically a 19 year old in a 10 year old body. She knows everything that's necessary for a creepypasta, about how to kill your victims where it hurt the most, where the secluded places suitable for killing their victims are and how to get the best deals on Trivago.

  What does this girl not know?

 Okay, offspring of the creepypastas aren't very common, so I had no idea about how to deal with her when she was born. 

  AT ALL.

  I actually had to attend courses to learn about taking care of demon cause I accidentally did something illegal after getting Prudanski.

 Well in my defense, I did not know that it was illegal.

  Basically the law that I unknowingly defied was a ban against a special machine of advanced creepypastian technology, called the Cognitive Stimulator  (It's a pretty un-creative name if you ask me-), C.S. for short. That reminds me, I should probably talk to the person who named the machine.

  There's obviously a reason why these things were banned of course, if any of these machines got to the rebelling creepypastas, or even anyone bad in general, well, you could say bye bye to kicking evil butt, cause they'll always be two steps ahead of you. These machines could increase your intelligence, it could transform a newborn baby just by a few clicks and data programming and BOOM- one killer machine, deep voice, nerd smart, hairy armpits and all.