Queers™

3 - Nina

Nina's POV

-flashback

"Lucas, we need to talk." I said to Lucas as soon as he stepped inside the room. My arms crossed, my face straight.

We were in my tiny apartment in New York. Right now this room is a horrendous mess. Mugs and tea cups in every desks, coffee stains everywhere and some sorts of papers (crumpled and piled) scattered on the floor. I am currently working on my book but my brain doesn't function at all, my mind is too preoccupied by this matter I'm about to discuss to my boyfriend.

"What is it about?" I heard impatience in his voice.
He's obviously tired from work and i dont want to bother him yet, but this is the right and only time. I've already gathered all my courage for this moment.

"This is not working out." I said bitterly, and shaking. My face felt hot and my heart began to beat faster.

"The what?" Lucas said. My words caught him off guard, attentive and anxious.

"Us. Our relationship. I think we're over." The way I'm breaking up with Lucas is so cliche. You've probably seen these kind of break ups in movies. I even think I wrote this scene in one of my novels and I'm acting like one of my characters. But I have no choice, this is my first break up and the only way I know how to. I was so anxious, I never really got to think of my words carefully, it just came out of my mouth like I've been preparing and practicing to say these words for a long time.

"What's wrong? I thought we're fine? Why so suddenly?" Questions I'm afraid to answer because he might find out the truth about me. I sense anger, doubt, and worry in Lucas' voice. I really felt sorry for him. I dont want to break up with him but I want to be free, and the only way I'll be free is to break up with him.

"Can't you see? We barely have time for each other. I'm busy writing and you're busier running your business. I think it's time to prioritize our career, for the sake of us." Words keep coming out of my mouth. I know I made a point, and I hope he would understand. I know that he knows that my excuse is petty. The truth is, that's not the real reason why I'm breaking up with him.

"We can work this out. I can give up my career for you, so I can be with you for the rest of my life."
These words made me cringe and a little bit disgusted because it's too cheesy. Yes he's rich and he doesnt need to work anymore but the idea of him, giving up his career for an unwealthy and not so famous girl like me, made me really shook. I thought this break up would be uncomplicated and straightforward but Lucas clearly doesnt want it to happen and would even give up his career for me.

"No!" I exclaimed. I dont want him to do that for me. The conversation is getting more intense and our voices are getting louder. "You don't understand. It's for the sake of us. For yourself and for myself. I can barely function well, I cant write my novels, thinking about us and our future. It's getting hard for me you know."

"C'mon Nina, we've been through this." Lucas is not giving up yet. The more he's begging for me to stay, the more I feel bad for him. This is indeed getting hard for me, I am shaking, and sweating. I'm trying so hard not to cry and my throat hurts holding it back. I just thought that me trying to act tough and cold-hearted would convince him to leave.

We just stood there for ten whole minutes. Lucas begged me to say anything but I won't. It's too much. I caused him so much heart ache and all I want is for him to leave so I can no longer see his face with tears in his eyes begging for me to stay in this relationship. It's painful to watch someone beg infront of you.

Until he did gave up already. He finally left the room and the moment the door was closed behind him, I let out a cry that I've been successful to conceal the whole time.

Lucas once admitted that he is the straightest guy you''ll ever meet and gay or bisexual people disgusts him and they are unacceptable citizens of the world. The truth is, I am bisexual. And what he said hurt and offended me. I do had feelings for Lucas, but right now, my heart is longing for a girl. A female. human. being. with feminine features. Lucas, his manly structure, his masculinity, doesn't give me any more butterflies in my stomach, things were never the same anymore.

He wouldnt accept me for who I really am.

-end of flashback.

New York. New apartment, new haircut, new published books, new companion, new friends. It's a brand new me! I'm happy, independent, and free. I've got to continue writing my novels again. I'm never been this happy and contented with my life. Today's New York lovely weather made everything better.

My break up with Lucas really had a great effect on me. I felt lighter and better. I never seen him again but I heard that he already had my replacement which I doubt that it is just another rebound girl that he will use to get over me. He's still heartbroken about us. The way he begged me to stay says it all.
I have totally moved on with our break up and I don't want to bring up that topic anymore.

I went outside my apartment building to walk my golden retriever (Leo, which probably the only comapanion i had ever since the "break up".) There's this shop that really caught my attention. It's a gelato shop! It's a new shop in this street near my apartment and I've probably heard of it. I never knew it would be here, what a relief. I've been craving gelato so bad lately and seeing this shop, in my point of view, was like illuminated and shining, the way you see things in cartoons when something is brand new. I went inside the shop, wandered a little bit, then I chose the pistachio flavored gelato to eat.

I went to pay for my gelato in the cashier and someone caught my attention. A girl, I think the same age as me who was on the counter in charge as a cashier. Ironically, her name is Gela Tony, I saw it in her I.D. Gela Tony in Gelato shop. Quite comedic isn't it?

It was finally my turn to pay for my Gelato and Gela smiled at me as she does to every customers. She looks really friendly, bubbly and extroverted. There was something in her i cannot fathom that made me blush, and suddenly I cant look straight to her face.

I stuttered, I blushed. Wtf is wrong with me. I rarely felt like this. I tend to be awkward to people when I find them attractive. I wanted to stay longer but Leo is waiting outside and I need to take him back home because he's still an untrained dog and I dont want him to make a scene.

I would probably go back to that Gelato shop anytime soon. Probably.

-to be continued..

~abg