PETER PAN ≫ O. SEHUN

bittersweet goodbyes

( GOODBYE MY LOVE )

A heavy sigh passed my lips as I walked down the deserted halls. I just wanted to go home and get my mind off of everything, but hearing my name being called by that voice, the one that still made my heart beat wildly, froze me mid-step. Hearing him come up behind me, I closed my eyes, begging that he was just a figment of my imagination.

Not yet, I'm still not ready for this yet.

"Are you alright? She told me you weren't feeling well, so I came rushing to see you."

Hearing the concern in his voice as I turned around to face him, his worried expression bringing a smile- although sad- to my face,  and involuntarily my eyes started becoming glossy. Sighing, I try to smile through this internal pain. This mental tug-of-war between my head and heart about wanting to be selfish or knowing to let the person I love be happy. "Sehun, I think it's time that we move on."

"W- what are you talking about?" He questioned, eyes widening in shock and confusion. Yet, beneath it all I could see the recognition that was clearly there as well, no matter how much he tried to hide it.

"You know very well what I'm talking about, Sehun." I sighed starting to feel the regret trying to surface, I bite my lip as I ran my hand through my hair.

Did he have to make this even more difficult for me? I'm trying so hard to not to break down, but him denying the truth and making me have to say the heart wrenching and agonizing words of truth- I'd knew will rip my heart out wasn't helping.

"If this is about her.. I- I told you already. She's just my friend." Lies

Could you hear yourself at the moment? Those lies that came spewed out of your mouth.

"Yeah, I know you tell me that she is- but I'm not so sure you mean it anymore." Gently placing my hand on his porcelain cheek and lightly caress it, "I know you love her, Sehun." With a small smile that I try to manage as I could physically feel my own internal organs twisting in agony, " -you deserve to be with the one you're in love with."

He bowed his head, a shadow casting over his eyes. His calloused warm hand found mine, a great contrast from the coldness that covered my own skin. I wondered if my heart can become as cold as my skin, to protect me from this moment.

"Are you sure?" He whispered, I could hear the sound of relief but with a soft underlining reluctance.

My heart was screaming at me for what I was doing, but I knew it was the right thing to do, it was something I had to do; I would never be able to forgive myself if I didn't give him this opportunity.

My voice breaking as I try to stay strong in these last moments, keeping my gaze at those eyes I've dreamed could love me, "I am. Please, go be with the one that you truly love."

His lips parted into one of the brightest smiles I haven't seen in a while, as he pulled me into a warm hug.

Slowly breaking apart, his calloused hands cup my cheek as I close my eyes and lean into his palm. I'm not sure if he was the one that leaned down to me or I leaned up, maybe we met halfway. The only thing I was certain of was that, this meant more for me than it did for him. And too far off from sanity at that moment, I embraced the sweet kiss upon my lips, trying to savour these last moments between us as the words of heartbreak I knew deep down would always come, finally came.

As Sehun whispered lightly, with his lips still grazing mines, "I'll always love you too."

I knew that you loved me-

Squeezing my eyes shut to half-heartedly stop the tears that badly wanted to roll down my cold cheeks, all I could manage was to nod as he quickly took off down the hall, in such a bittersweet moment, happier than I've ever seen him.

- but it was never as much as your love for her.

Grabbing my shirt just over my heart, I clenched it tightly in my hand as if that would somehow alleviate my pain. And through my tears that freely escaped, I could only smile, knowing that I did the right thing, no matter how much pain it brought.

Good luck, my love.

THE END