Learn to love me - Phanfiction

Chapter 3

A/N: This chapter might be a little sad. Sorry :|

Dan's POV

"Soo Dan what should we do today?" Phil asks playfully as we both sit on his bed browsing through tumblr. Like always.

"We could...go out? Like to TopMan? I kinda need more jeans." I mumble.

"Okay, shall ae leave in about...twenty minutes?"

"Yep." I answer, popping the 'p'.

**************

When we got to TopMan, I suddenly became aware of...me. I felt as if everybody was staring at me. This...feeling always used to happen when I saw strangers. I just get this very self-conscious feeling.

Was it my hair?

My clothes?

Or maybe the fact that I was holding hands with another male?

I immediently drop Phil's hand from mine, stuffing mine into my pocket quickly.

"Dan?"

"T-The fangirls...t-they might s-see and-and we don't w-want that..." I stutter out.

Even my speech is affected. There's just something that makes me feel very uneasy about a room full of complete strangers. I felt like grabbing Phil's hand again for comfort, but resisted the temptation.

After I got some jeans and a few other stuff,we payed and left. I felt a sigh of relief leave my lips.

"Dan are you okay?" Phil asks worriedly on our way home.

"I'll tell you later." I mumble shyly. I felt as if everybody was staring at me. Judging me.

When we made it home, I sat on the sofa, anxiously waiting for Phil to ask me what was wrong.

"Danny are you okay?" He asks, gently stroking my cheek with his right hand and resting his left hand on my hip.

He still found this friendly

"P-Phil...do you remember when I first met you? I-I was really...weird in public? T-That feeling's come back...". I mutter quietly, playing with my sleeve nervously, knowing he knew what I meant.

What's he going to think?

Will he finally get fed up with me and leave?

Maybe he'll yell at me. Tell me how worthless I am. I feel like I /need/ some sort of relief. I try not to cut, I just meed somebody to help. To be here with me.

Whenever I would have this feeling, I used to hide it by telling myself how worthless I am in my head. I would always suffer in silence.

When I did that, Phil noticed and tried to start helping me. He told me poaitive things about myself. They would drown out all the negativity. But for how long?

Suddenly, Phil pulled me into a hug, holding onto me tightly as if I were to slip away, grippig my shirt weakly.

"D-Don't worry Dan, we got through this once...i'm sure we can get through it again. I'll help you, I promise! But you've got to tell me how you feel whenever it happens so I can help." Phil instructs seriously, trying to stay calm and not remembef thr last time this happened to me.

"I love you Phil." I mumble into his shoulder, not realizing what I had just said.

"I...I love you too Dan." His voice was uncertain. He still doesn't love me yet. But I won't give up on us..

"I know you don't, it's okay." I confirm, laying both of us down on the sofa as I cuddled into him.

"I'm sorry-"

"It's okay Phil, don't worry!" I laugh shakily, gripping onto his shirt and continuing to get it more wet with tears.

We eventually drift off to sleep and lay cuddled in eachothers arms.

**************

I was unpleasantly awoken by the sound of Phil shouting. However, it was more like a hushed shout, that turned into whimpers.

I realized that he was no longer sleeping with me, but he was back in his own room speaking on his phone.

"P-Please! J-Just leave me alone please!" He sobbed.

I jolted up, feeling a little light-headed at first. After a few seconds, I found my balance and quietly walked to Phil's room.

The door was open, but I knocked anyway. He turned to me and smiled slightly. Forced, of course.

"I said no!" Phil yells weally into the phone, finally hanging up.

He turns to me and smiles sadly.

"I-Is it Amy?" I ask.

"Yes." He breathes out shakily.

"Did I force you?" I ask quietly.

"Force me?

"Did I force you into liking me? Phil I just-"

"No not at all! It's just that...I didn't want to see you so sad so I-"

"So I did force you! I'm so sorry. I am a terrible person!" I yell, running to the bathroom and locking the door behind me.

I try not to cut. I just suffer in silence until this feeling goes away. But each time, it tears me apart, bit my bit.

I hear banging on the door along with Phil screaming andd crying my name, begging me to unlock the door.

"GO AWAY! I'm just...stupid. Ugly. Worthless. I don't deserve you! I DON'T DESERVE ANYONE!"

"DAN! NO PLEASE YOU ARE NOT STUPID NOR WORTHLESS! YOUR NOT UGLY, OR VILE, OR ANY OF THOSE OTHER THINGS! JUST PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR!" Phil shouts desperatly through the door, trying to remember how he dealt with this last time.

"Danny please....please just don't listen to those mean thoughts in your head. Just please please let me in..." He begs quietly, voice cracking from all the shouting and crying.

I steadily get off the floor, quickly unlocking the door but running back to the corner hiding in fear. I hide in my arms which are hugging my knees closely.

Worthless

Stupid

Vile

Ugly

Disgusted

Unwanted

Unloved-

My thoughts were interrupted by Phil's arms embracing me into a warm hug. He began whispering to me things like

Beautiful

Amazing

Funny

Smart

Cute

Adorable

Loved

The voices were finally going away and my tears had stopped. Phil looked at me with wide eyes, tears still freely rolling down his cheek.

"D-D-Did it work?!" He sobs, kissing my cheek.

"Yeah." I breath out.

"Dan I love you so so so so much! Don't you dare listen to those stupid voiced in your head! I-I just...I love you so much." He sobs into my shoulder as I just sit there hugging him gently, feeling slightly better.

Sure he doesn't love me how I love him. Yet. But this will suffice for now.