Single Boy ((Jeffmads))

I'm not loved.

I went home from school that day, which is already unusual. Most of the time I hang out with friends after school or they come over and hang out with me. But, no, today I was alone.

I was alone and everybody else was too busy to hang out with me. Too busy hating me and all of my opinions. No, I'm fine. I don't need friends or any bullshit like that. They can all go fuck themselves and jump off a cliff. I am fine being on my own.

So, I walked into my home and pulled out my phone, scrolling through twitter. But, the entire school was talking about the shit James and his new friends all said about me. That got annoying quickly.

I went into the kitchen and looked around, bored out of my mind. I could probably make some macaroni or something? Yeah, that always cheers me up. I smiled and raced around to grab the ingredients.

Once I had everything I needed I began making the sweet, beautiful, handsome, perfect, elegant, and graceful dish that was my homemade macaroni and cheese. I hummed as I did, swaying back and forth.

Cooking has always been a sort of passion for me and it's always been very calming for me. I love cooking, always have since I was a kid... It's... It's peaceful I guess... my childhood was peaceful...

I really liked being a kid, I guess.

Finally I was done with the meal and poured myself a small bowl of the macaroni and cheese. "Jesus," I mumbled under my breath when I realized how big the pot was. I shrugged, grabbed my phone, and clicked on Jentsie's contact.

Even I, the most macaroni and cheese obsessed idiot in the world, could not possibly finish this all by myself. But, just as I was about to hit call, I remembered the fight.

I remembered the disappointment and anger on her face. I remembered how loud she yelled at me. I remembered the way I talked to her this morning in the car.

I realized that that is how I have always talked to her, even when we first met. I realized I talk to a lot of women like that. I realized that she had officially stopped hanging out with me for those exact reasons.

I slowly set my phone down and put the rest of the macaroni and cheese in a container. The container went into the fridge and the full bowl of mac and cheese sat on the counter getting colder every minute. With a huff I grabbed my backpack and went to my bedroom to do homework.

But there is no homework to do.

So I drop my bag and I stare out the window for a while, watching cars go by. I think about the different drivers and their lives and what they're thinking. They all have lives and feelings and hopes and dreams and opinions. Everybody does. Some people are more opinionated than others. Some are more fragile than others. Some of them have bad pasts and can get broken down very easily.

"Jefferson you're losing your mind," I snap, looking away from the outside world and closing the curtains. But, I catch myself peeking outside and before I know it I'm climbing out onto the balcony side.

You know, the metal thing right next to apartment buildings. I don't know what to call that. I'm not sure. You get it. I lean on the bricks and whistle a tune that's been stuck in my head for hours now.

James's favorite song. He is We. All About Us.

I shake my head and look at the ground below for awhile. We used to sit up here and talk about what we would do with our lives. I would drink some alcohol and he would puff a cigarette or two.

He wasn't so little mister perfect all the time. It seemed that whenever he was around me he would loosen up. He would take a deep breath, relax his shoulders, and all his worries were gone.