Mirage II K. th.

7

I felt lonely. I felt empty. I felt hopeless. I felt numb. I felt die.

I felt like I was running inside a maze and couldn't find the way out. I do really tired of this place.

I used to be happy but it turned 180° when I heard his death.

I dind't know myself anymore. I couldn't understand my mind also my heart. I had a big debate inside, my brain kept telling me to be happy but my heart didn't said so. What could make me happier? Everyone seemed happy, their life seemed full of happiness. Their smile, their laugh seemed real. Unlike me, I just pretend it. I understood the literal meaning of happiness but I never felt it with my heart.

Did I already do what I love? Nope, I think. I had no direction to find a right way of life. I couldn't find my path. I couldn't see my future. I just a falling leaves in autumn, it seemed okay but actually they already dead. I wish I could love my self.

I'm not depressed, I just sad. I miss something and it didn't exist. No one really knew how I feel, me neither. Have you ever feel sad and lost in hope all of sudden? That was me all the time. I was dying inside. I didn't want to feel this lost anymore. But i already lost my way. I just a girl with no hopes and afraid to face the future. How if I don't make it right? How if I made a mistakes. How if I couldn't made everyone proud of me? how if I couldn't find my lights? How if I couldn't made him proud of me?

Everyone said, there would come the beautiful moment in our lives. All we must do just fight for it and wait for it. But when will my beautiful moment comes? They said, just wait and see.

Do all people already know, the all things that I don't? Why my life seemed harder than the others?

How if didn't find out my beautiful moment until I die?

What should I do?