Shots of Momentary Bliss

Her Surreptitious Feelings

Her Surreptitious Feelings
(Another JessVin OneShot)

One of the hardest emotions to supress if you're slowly falling whom you consider your close friend. It's hard, right? Every second, every minute and every hour of the day when he's the only person I see. I never expected that we'll became close but the moment I went inside of the house. He's one of the people I've noticed. Kevin is one of the nicest guy I've met. He's kind and thoughtful. Kevin's also a gentleman and handsome no wonder some of the girls from the both teams got smitten by his irresistable charms. He's your certified dream guy.

However, will my dream guy finally notice where perfectly belong to each other? The answer to my question is still uncertain. Who knows? Maybe the feelings we have were mutual. I couldn't let my hopes high when there's a possibility I'm wrong. Those times we've been together, the smiles, laughters, our endearment to each other and the I love you we've said to each other. Does it mean a thing to him? I couldn't help but wonder if are we more than just friends or simply better off as friends? 

I realized as days passes by there are certain things change. I guess, I already seen it coming what I feel for him is basically one sided. It hurts to admit we can never be the same like it was before. Based in his actions, he's falling for someone and I think he's a bit confused what he truly feels for her. I think he doesn't realize that yet. Seeing them together at the house were unbearable if only I could take her place. I know I don't have the right to feel bad or be jealous because there's nothing special going on between us. Funny, how I manage to put a smile on my face when deep inside of me is in pain.  I feel that were drifting away. The bond we used to have were slowly fading but I didn't have the chance to save it. Is there something I could do to save it?

I'm so confused what I've feeling these past few days I'm losing my drive to move forward for my fight in Big Brother's house. Being in the top 14 is a privelage who would thought I would made it that far. After we transfer at the mansion everything drastically changes. I have to be honest but I miss the outside world and also I miss my mom and dad. If given the choice I want to voluntary exit but there's holding me back it's my dream to became a singerBeing a housemate was my ticket to reach my dream. I couldn't simply let that go. Since I really wanted this in the first place. My emotions were completely messed up after the incidents happened inside the house not able to win the kontra battle and Joya being the first evictee in the top 14. I feel like I didn't deserved to be here that I should have taken Joya's place. I became emotional after eviction night.

When I broke down and cry Kevin came to my rescue to comfort me with the other housemates. I feel secured in his arms. I'm thankful because he was there when I need someone at times like this. After that moment, we were called one by one to the confession room. I have one on one talk to Big brother I let out my sentiments to him and I also open up about leaving the house. I know he's disappointed of my decision. Big brother gave me a chance to think things over again.

I've spend my time making the most of it as if this will be the last day at the house. I've bond a lot with my housemates especially him. Chilling out infront of the mirror and talk a lot things. I will truly miss this times if ever I'll going out  for good.

The moment I've been waiting for have finally come but Big brother gave me 3 conditions in order to leave the house. First, I need to put an x mark on the picture at the back of my chair. Second, I need to put an x mark in one of the housemate's chair who doesn't deserve to be in Big 4 or being a Big Winner. And lastly, I need to write the word "I'll Quit." in the mirror near the comfort room.

I know the 3 conditions were really tough. Apart of doesn't want me to do it. I wanted to stay because I really wanted this in the first place. Right now, I need to breathe and I felt like I'm suffocating, I need a place that I could clear my mind but staying in the house doesn't help me to achieve it.

When Big brother asked me what holds me back from leaving the house? I was taken aback. I couldn't answer right away. Is it because of him? Partly, perhaps. Tears were welling up in my eyes what's happening right now was excruciating and heartbreaking.

As I went out of the confession, tears keeps from falling in my eyes. I know the housemates were wondering what was going on and why I'm holding a spray paint. After I've done the 3 conditions, I glance at him from the last time and said to myself "Goodbye Fowler! I hope by the time we meet again my feelings for you were already gone. I know I won't forget you for you're always special to me. I only need to get rid this feelings I have."

I'm wishing that you would look at me but you didn't. I walk straight to the confession room without looking back.