She's not afraid - A James McVey (TheVamps) Fanfiction

Chapter 14

"This is the last time for us
To stand up and never
This is the last try
Our last chance
To save this friendship of ours" ~ Miss Li

James' P.O.V

I landed at 1 a.m. I had known that I could be even more later in England as I had expected. But nevertheless the journey from the airport to Melina's place seemed endless to me. I thought that my nerves couldn't get more strained, but I had to realize that I was wrong. I was more nervous than ever before, even more than on my first concert in a sold out arena.

It was horrible but I tried to pull myself together.

I drove my car in the drive-way and rushed out of the car towards the door. It wasn't necessary to ring the doorbell because someone opened the door as I reached the veranda.

Melina.

I only stood there, frozen, and watched her. She looked horrible. Her messy hair looked kind of cute but her high-flown eyes because of the thousands tears she had cried made me feel so guilty. What had I done?!

When I wanted to open my mouth to say anything I didn't even know yet, she took a step forwards and I felt a really hurting slap on my cheek. The massive pain spread into my whole face and it was like an alarm clock which woke me up and said: "Welcome to reality!", and I was kind of thankful for that because I had felt like I still floated in thoughts and dreams and not being really awake.

"I guess I deserved -..." I began but Melina stopped me with a close hug. Yes I had expected a slap but that was surprising. After a short hesitation I wrapped my arms around her waist too. We stood a couple seconds until Melina turned around and went inside. I followed her without a word.

We went into her room and she hadn't spoken anything yet which I could understand but made me nervous nevertheless.

She sat down onto her bed and I wanted to sit next to her but I knew I couldn't right now. She needed space between us and I accepted it. So I sat down onto her chair.

She didn't say anything nor did she look at me. I massaged my neck muscles nervously and prepared myself to speak. Where were all these sentences which I had prepared before? Like completely disappeared. Congratulations!

I cleared my throat and said with a scratchy voice "I'm so sorry Melina."
Wow James, very original.

"Really." I continued, "I can understand if you will never forgive me. But please let me explain it." As she didn't say anything I understood it as a request to go on.

I cleared my throat again and began to explain with a shaky voice. Gosh, where was my self-confidence gone to? "Okay, where should I start? Look. It's not easy for a quiet popular guy like me to find a girl who doesn't already know him through the internet and who doesn't love him because of his personality in the internet. Because the internet and the real life are very different animals.

"Most of the girls I met only wanted me because of my fame. Because of my money. And maybe because of my connections to other popular people. I saw that they looked with a completely different aim at me and suddenly my character wasn't important anymore. That was the way it went with every single girl I met.

"Until I met you. Since the first moment I felt that you aren't like the other girls. I knew that you are not superficial like the others. So, yes, I could have told you that I'm quite popular.
But then, suddenly another reservation expanded inside my brain. The reason why I didn't tell you was fear." She looked at me the first time. Her eyes were wide opened and I could see how she tried to understand which gave me courage.

"I was afraid of you not being willing to start a relationship with a popular guy. I know that a lot of girls doesn't want to be a girlfriend of a celebrity. It happened to some friends of me. It is not easy for the girls - or boys- actually. Suddenly they would be a celebrity too and they have no chance to get used to it step by step. The fame appears with one beat and together with the fame: the love from the fans and the hate from the haters. The most of them can't cope with that within the first day. That's why they are leaving. Not every girl, but the majority. That's what I am afraid of. That you would be one of them.
They go away before anything could ever happen between them.

"The biggest fear was to lose you before I even had you. I really like you. And I was so afraid that you wouldn't want to meet me again when I told you my life. I still am afraid of it.

"Now I know that was the biggest mistake I could have ever done. I really should have told you earlier. And I wanted to. But I didn't want to give that up what we created between us during the short time. It was something special what I haven't felt for a long time."

Now I scratched my elbow nervously because we have never spoken about our feelings and suddenly I wasn't that secure about our relationship anymore. Did she like actually me too?
Besides, it would help if she said anything. But she kept silent and stared at me.

"Shit, Melina. Please say anything." I begged because I couldn't cope with her silence anymore. I passed my hand through my hair and covered my eyes in desperation.

One minute was over. Maybe two. I didn't want to press her so I gave her time.

"At the first moment, I was only disappointed." She said. Her voice was quite and at the same time strong.

"And furious. I hadn't any reasonable explanation for your decision to hide your "business" from me. I believed that you thought that I am superficial. That I would only want your fame if I knew. Like you said.
But that wouldn't have happened because I already loved you enough that I couldn't only love your fame. It was already too late for that."

Wait! Did she talk about love? But she also talked in past... Shit.

I waited again and tried to arrange the mess she had created in my head.

Nothing. Neither from me, nor from her.

"And now?" I asked. "What do you feel now?"

"I don't know" She answered. "It seems that you had your reasons... More reasonable reasons than I had thought. Well, it was good that we spoke about it.

"I'm sorry but I guess I only need time. I need time to figure out what will happen now. I can't even concentrate on one thought right now. I need to sleep before I can think about anything."

"Sure. I understand. I'm sorry again, Melina. I regret my decision. If I could, I would change it. But I can't."

"I know" She only said.

Oscar brushed against my leg and I smiled sadly. I slowly stood up and went to the door. I needed to leave her alone now even though I didn't want to.

"Good bye Melina."

"Good bye James."

I quietly closed the door and went out of the house.

And now? Joe would kill me when he was back. I knew exactly how important the interviews were. But I couldn't just fly away again. First I needed to sleep. Only now I noticed how tired I was.

All I knew was that I needed to stay here and wait for Melina. And that she needed time.

With those thoughts I fell asleep in my bed at home. Unfortunately it wasn't a deep sleep. It was a sleep with a lot of nightmares. I guess I deserved it.