The Devil Child

Chapter Forty-Seven

His childhood wasn't something Gryphon liked to relive. As a child, he lived in a constant nightmare, a never-ending hell. He hated himself so much, hated who he was fundamentally. He was taught how to hate, and taught how to destroy himself.

He hated himself for his skin color. Being black wasn't something Gryphon considered bad, but everyone around him did. They made fun of his skin, rich in color and a drastic difference from the neighborhood he grew up in. He hated himself for being gay, for liking boys, for seeing guys and picturing what it would be like to hold their hands, to kiss them, to sleep with them.

Gryphon hated everything about himself. His appearance, his height, his weight, his race.

Tanner Higgins helped him hate himself. The rich, white doctor was someone who prided himself on who he was and where he came from. He'd always been dripping in money, and he knew it too. It was who he was, how he combed his hair, how he held himself.

Gryphon hated Tanner almost as much as he hated himself. The rich preppy boy had been handed everything, and he was using that power to destroy others. To abuse those who were different, just like Gryphon was.

As Gryphon laid in bed, the lights off and his back against the sheets, he recalled a time when he was in the camp, trapped. It was before he convinced himself he was no longer gay. It was before he changed himself to be someone society would like.

It was when he liked Tanner.

He'd been young, naive. And Tanner had been someone to look up to. He was handsome, with clear skin and perfect hair. He was strong, sure of himself, confident. The type of person Gryphon wished he was.

Tanner hated that Gryphon liked him.

Gryphon had been strapped into the chair, his body bloody from where Tanner had cut into him with a knife. His mantra of the day was liking boys is bad. Liking boys will hurt you. All along, it was only Tanner that hurt him.

The Tanner then was different from the Tanner now. The Tanner now wasn't strong. He was weak, he was confused, he was struggling with who he really was. And while Gryphon was convinced he was over boys, that he was no longer gay, he knew it wasn't true.

Seeing Tanner on the ground, crying, was the biggest turn for Gryphon, and he hated it. Hated that Tanner could make him feel those feelings again. Of course, Gryphon had never been straight. He'd been hiding his feelings for boys, pushing them so deep that he could pretend they didn't exist. But when he saw Tanner crying, he felt his head spin with the idea that he could wrap his arms around Tanner and console him.

Of course, he didn't. He wouldn't. But that didn't stop him from wanting it.

And of course, seeing Tanner with Polly made Gryphon's heart throb with want. Tanner, who had only shown him hatred, was so kind to Polly. So gentle, so loving, so caring. So unlike himself that Gryphon wished that Tanner had cared for him that way.

It was sick and twisted for Gryphon to want Tanner, but he did. God, he did.

He wanted those smooth, light skinned hands to hold his dark ones. He wanted to run his hands through Tanner's brown hair, to knot his fingers between the silky strands, to kiss Tanner until he too kissed back.

Gryphon wanted the opposite of Tanner: he wanted to turn the boy gay. But of course, he knew he couldn't turn anyone gay. Tanner would already have to be gay.

That wouldn't stop Gryphon from trying.

He needed a cigarette, and he needed one fast. Anxiety was crawling up his throat, so he swung himself out of bed and dug around in the pocket of his jacket for his cigarettes. When his hand closed around the rectangle box, he let out a sigh of relief.