Tythan (Little blue boy)

Look at me

It's broken. The mirror in his bathroom. As Ethan gazed into his own eyes in the broken and cracked reflection he sighed. He hated how he looked. He hated his acne and his face. He thought of how much he hated his body. No matter how much weight ha has lost, or how many ribs he can see, he still hated everything. He felt fat and worthless and ugly. He began to remember some of the comments that people felt in the first video he did with Mark. 

"He's so ugly"

"So much acne, gross!" 

"I bet he's using Mark's channel to better his." 

"Omg he looks like a faggot!"

"Blue boy? More like GAY boy lol"

All of these people, saying all of these hateful comments made him hate myself more. As he stared into his broken reflection, he began to think to myself. "Everything would be so much better if I wasn't here. I should have never moved here. I wish...I wish I was dead." Without thinking, he opened the cabinet and took out a random bottle of pills. "I...I just...I just want this pain...to go away." he shook as he tried to open the bottle. It was on too tight and he couldn't get it open. "FUCK THIS!" He yelled, throwing the bottle at the mirror. He collapsed onto the ground and began to sob. As he sat on the cold bathroom floor shacking, he started thinking about all the times he had screwed up. Like that time he accidentally deleted the face-cam that mark worked so hard on. Mark was so mad. Or another time when he tried helping Amy with cooking, but then cut her hand with the knife so bad that she had to get stitches. Or the fact that he has feelings for his friend Tyler, but knows he will never like him back. All of these thoughts rain through his mind. But then, all at once, he stopped crying. He lifted his head slowly from his knee and stood up. "I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve these wonderful people in my life....They...they don't deserve me as their punishment." He slowly walked back into his room and turned on his computer. 

After he turned on his camera, he was silent. Then, he spoke. "Hi everyone. It's Ethan...I just wanted to leave you one last message before I...before I go. You all deserve so much better. You deserve to be happy and to live your life without a flaw like me. So here you go. Mark, you are such an amazing friend. You showed me to the world and helped me out of my shell. I could not have asked for a better friend. Amy and Katharine, you are such an inspiration to me. You helped me learn to edit and we talked about graphic design together and we laughed together. Thank you for being like my big sister's to me. And...and Tyler. You...you have always made me smile, like no one else could. You've always known how to make me happy. Thank you for helping me to finally feel happiness for a short while. I love you all so much and I'm so sorry if I've ever caused you struggle. I know that I'm a burden. So I'm going to let you off the hook. I don't want you guys to have to worry about me anymore. But thank you so much for making me feel like I was worth something. And for my Subscribers...thank you...to every single subscriber I've ever had. Every single viewer, cementer, and subscriber. Thank you for helping me to find myself. To Mark, Amy, Katharine and Tyler, thank you for believing in my for so long. I love you all...Bye..." He then turned off the camera and waited for the video to upload. He leaned back into the chair and sighed. Then he pulled open the squeaky desk drawer and pulled a small box cutter.

He also pulled out a bottle of his ADHD medication. As he began to cry again, he thought to himself. "This needs to work, I have to make sure that this works." He opened the bottle of pilled and swallowed one at a time until the bottle was empty. He then took the box cutter and placed the blade in the middle of his arm. Then, in one fast move, he split if arm wide open. One big scar that went from his wrist and up began to bleed really fast. He flinched in pain and fell out of the chair. He cried and screamed and balled. As he cried, he noticed through the tears that he was getting blood on the floor. He tried to stand but he immediately collapsed from his knees feeling like noodles. He crawled to the bathroom as best as he could and fell back to the floor. When he fell, he grabbed a hold of the broken hanging mirror and knocked it onto the floor causing it to shatter even more. As his vision began to blur he starred at himself through the cracks as a few more tears fell. "Finnaly...finally the pain will stop..."

To be continued...