He Lies Within the Sea (eremika)

Chapter Eleven

Despite knowing that Eren wouldn't come back until the end of the school year, if at all, Mikasa found that she always stopped by the lighthouse after walking home from school, gazing out over the sea.

At first, it was always about an hour of watching the waves, of glancing out in hopes of seeing a flash of green scales, but there never were any. As the days passed, the weeks and the months, the time dwindled until it was late Spring, and Mikasa hardly looked out anymore. Some days, she would catch herself looking for something when she was walking out to greet her father in the lighthouse, but then she'd always look away and continue forward, ignoring what lied within the sea.

She hoped he still lied within the sea, deep down in his village and safe. She hoped that Eren was safe with his parents and his neighbors, all living their lives as they deserved to. She kept her eyes peeled to the news, kept her attention to all of the hunters along the coasts. In the months that passed, there were three mermaids caught. One was caught alive, but he died shortly after due to the cruelty he was put through in order to be captured in the first place.

None of them were Eren, but she never felt too much relief with it. Mermaids were still killed, and her stomach twisted with the news each time. Her mother hurled at the images shown, crying each time she imagined what it might have been like if it was her. Her father held her and comforted her, but Mikasa kept particularly quiet, retiring to her room. 

Often, she screamed into her pillow and beat at her mattress, taking out her frustration and sadness on things that wouldn't harm her, but she always tired herself out and fell asleep shortly after, only to wake up rather early. She couldn't fall back asleep, so in the dark of the early morning, she walked out to the deck and sat there, closing her eyes and listening to the sound of the wind and the sound of the sea.

She longed for the sea yet was afraid of it. It would mean her death, but after the months that had passed, she thought of Eren swimming so freely, so happily without the restraints of land, but then she remembered the fear that her mother had, the longing to experience a new world. Perhaps he wasn't so free, so fortunate, to have been born a mermaid. She didn't know. She really didn't know.

Yet somehow, she still wished she could go out to the sea without detrimental effects. She wished she could take the boat out to the sea, call out his name and see his face. Just for a moment. Just that big smile and those big green eyes. But she couldn't do that sort of thing because the last time she got so close to the sea, even at the side of it, she passed out. It didn't go well, and taking a boat out to sea could maybe even bring about death, like her mother warned. 

By the time school had ended, Mikasa said goodbye to one year of high school, only to look forward to another. After Eren left, people were sad that he was "moving to Nebraska" for his father's "new job." He never had a phone, never had social media, so he dropped from the face of this Earth just as Annie once had, except even Annie had a phone before she left. Mikasa felt that same abandonment, even if she had Sasha and Christa to talk to.

She nearly forced herself to hang out with them to drive her forward and keep her from isolation. It was fun at times, but sometimes it was too much effort to be around people. There was a lingering sadness, and the craze over mermaids was tiring to hear about. Mikasa felt closer than ever to her family, yet the furthest she'd ever been. It was an odd time, but Summer was here, and things were the same as they had been a year ago.

By the third week of Summer, Mikasa was incredibly bored.

She walked everyday, taking her usual route after she shifted the path a bit to walk by the cave, just in case she saw another flash of green glittering scales. She might have stopped looking off of the lighthouse, but because school was over, she had a small twinge of hope that maybe- just maybe- he would truly return.