Alpha's Abused Mate

Chapter 8 Stay and Recover

Hey two chapters in one day. Omg. Well this is a great change of pace I must say. (Not for Braxton but that's not the point) I will try to upload again before Saturday. I will be very busy next week with tests and quizzes and all that other stuff that is happening. It's such a hassle being in college but I love it none the less. Oh yeah, that's Trisha up there. No offense to whoever that is. I just need someone to model the skank of a whore we all know and hate. Once again, no offense to the model because gurl u beautiful. 

Enjoy my pack mates!
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Braxton's POV

I woke up. I didn't expect that. I expected darkness or flames and demons with pitch forks. What? You thought I was hoping to get into heaven or something? Well you're wrong. I'm to broken for a place like that I deserve the worse. It's only natural. When I awoke, Ryder was by my side. I was happy for a second until I realized that I was still in his life. Nothing was going right. Things were crashing around me but I can't stop it. He is probably so worried and the pack must be worried, I think. All because of me. Because I couldn't keep my emotions to myself. Just because I was so desperate for someone to help me and I clung to the first thing that I thought would free me from my hell. But in the end, all I did was hurt the people around me and disappoint others. I should have stayed at my pack. At least then, I couldn't disappoint them if they were already disappointed. Why do I keep doing this to everyone? Why can't I do anything right? Eventually I will disappoint the pack and they will hate me. What's the point in loving someone if they are going to abandon me? It's a waste of my time and theirs. My life was gone. I had nothing left. I couldn't keep on living if they are just going to leave. Love is intangible. It's nonexistent. It isn't real. I just hoped that it was so I could have something but I was wrong. "Yes it is" my wolf howled in pain. My wolf. The one who has been with me my entire life. He deserved happiness. I want to give him that. But if everyone hates me, how can he ever be happy? I can't even give him a mate without causing drama. He went through all the pain with me and now I am causing even more pain. Probably pain that isn't even necessary. But it's all I know. I know pain.

I know pain, way too well

But I don't know love. It's only a faint memory. I might have had it at some point but it was so long ago I don't know when anymore. I'm probably going to be the most disappointing mate and Luna he will ever had but I want to do this for them. I want to at least fade from existence, that way I don't destroy anything else. Everything precious to me. I know I will cause more trouble. I know that when something bad happens, I will be the reason. It's all my fault.

Ryder started to stir and I waited for him to open his eyes. But what would I say after what I did? What could I say to make this better or make him see that it was a mistake saving me? Wouldn't that just hurt him more? It would because he feels the pull. Being an alpha, he will feel it ten times as much as a regular wolf would. He must be in pain. He must be so confused. I want to hug him. But I feel so numb. So empty. When his eyes open, I wanted to cry. They held so much sadness in them. He didn't say anything. We just looked at each other until he pulled me to him and cried. He cried. I made my mate cry. We stayed like that for a while. The doctors came in and checked me over. Surprisingly I had a clean bill of health. Ryder took me home and we went straight to bed. We didn't talk about it and for that I was grateful. I wanted to forget it but I knew that eventually we would talk about it. But for now, it could wait until I was ready.

Ryder kept a close eye on me after. Though I didn't blame him. It was beginning to snow and kids were always outside trying to have snowball fights with what little snow we had. It was amusing to watch them when they came home from school. They would play like it was nothing for hours without getting tired. Sometimes, if I had the strength, I would join them for a little while. It always seemed too cold for me in winter time.