Sex Doll - A Nathan Sykes Fanfic (Dirty) {2015 Watty Awards}

Chapter 12

I sit in my room for days.

Only going down stairs for food.

I've got my ultrasound today.

I make myself look presentable before arriving at the doctors.

I wait for my name to be called before following Nurse Littlewood to the room.

The scan starts and I look at the screen after hearing the only sound that fills the room.

It's like a drum, fast and upbeat kind of.

That's my baby's heart and thats my baby.

"It's too early for me to make out the gender so when you come back in a few months time I'll see if I can tell you then. You're next scan before your last is on the 14th of May. When you'll be 5 months. See you then." She says as I nod and go back home.

I get a bag and fill it with food before taking it upsatirs then going back and getting a few more bags of food and drink.

I sit in my room for more days just eating the food I brought up.

Not socialising.

Not being me.

I stopped talking to Lisa afters I moved out.

I dropped out of college.

I don't even talk to Orlando or my family.

I dont feel like it.

Plus they'll kill me for getting pregnant at 18 and for dropping out of college.

I just want to be alone.

I put the radio on and lucky me.

P!nk sober comes on.

'I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
I don't wanna be that call at 4 o'clock in the morning
'Cos I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home

Ah the sun is blinding
I stayed up again
Oh, I am finding
That's not the way I want my story to end

I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain
Inside
You're my protection
How do I feel this good sober?

I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
I won't remember, save your breath, 'cos what's the use?

Ah, the night is calling?
And it whispers to me softly come and play

Ah, I am falling
And If I let myself go I'm the only one to blame

I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain
Inside
You're like perfection
How do I feel this good sober?

I'm coming down, coming down, coming down
Spinning 'round, spinning 'round, spinning 'round
Looking for myself - SOBER [x2]

When it's good, then it's good, it's so good till it goes bad
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry, never again
Broken down in agony just tryna find a friend

Oh Oh

I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain
Inside
You're like perfection
How do I feel this good sober

Oh Oh

I'm safe
Up High
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain
Inside
You're like perfection
How do I feel this good sober?

Will I ever feel this good sober?
Tell me, No no no no no pain
How do i feel this good sober?'

I let the tears fall. The tears that haven't fell for a few weeks.

Then Westlife Miss you comes On.

Lucky Me.

'I can't sleep,
I just can't breathe,
when your shadow is all over me, baby.
Don't wanna be a fool in your eyes,
'Cause what we had was built on lies.

And when our love seems to fade away,
Listen to me - hear what I say...

I don't wanna feel the way that I do,
I just wanna be right here with you,
I don't wanna see, see us apart,
I just wanna say it straight from my heart:
I miss you...

What would it take for you to see?
To make you understand,
that I'll always believe (always believe)
You and I can make it through,
And I still know I can't get over you.

'Cause when our love seems to fade away,
Listen to me - hear what I say...

I don't wanna feel the way that I do,
I just wanna be right here with you,
I don't wanna see, see us apart (see us apart)
I just wanna say it straight from my heart:
oh, baby I miss you, I do...

'Cause when our love always fades away,
Listen to me - hear what I say...

I don't wanna feel the way that I do,
I just wanna be right here with you,
I don't wanna see, see us apart, (oh no, see us apart)
I just wanna say it straight from my heart:
I miss you, I miss you, I do...

I don't wanna feel the way that I do (the way that I do)
I just wanna be (just wanna be) right here with you (right here with you)
I don't wanna see (don't wanna see) see us apart (see us apart, oh, baby)
I just wanna say it straight from my heart:
oh baby I miss you, I do...'

I let the tears fall harder before rubbing my stomach to feel the tiniest bump ever.

I'm only 2 months gone and I can feel my tiny baby.

My little girl.