Broke Me in Half

e n d

J,

I just don't know where to start. I don't even know anymore. And I can't believe I'm actually writing this. I've been thinking that you never really gave a shit and you just used me. But my question is why?

Why? Out of all the girls... in this fucking world. WHY ME.... but I guess there is no answer to that is there? There will never be. I'm not other girls, but I just had to be next in line.

The day I got mad, I didn't want to hear your explanation because it wouldn't have gotten you far. And. I felt like I would of said worse. I'm not necessarily mad at you liking someone else, I'm mad that you hid it from me this whole time. I don't understand how you can do that to another person.

And I wish I could say your full name. But I'm giving you a little mercy from everyone who is reading this. Now, the distance didn't matter to me at all, but somehow it was you. I was gone for a week, or two... and suddenly you've changed. I always wondered why. But now I know.

I did everything I could to make you happy. Never enough. I tried to save you, it was never enough. My long good morning texts were never enough. My late night calls with you were never enough. Things just didn't reach to your expectations right?

You didn't deserve to know me like that. You had no damn right. You didn't even deserve to know my name, nor anything about me. I hope you remember what you did and I hope this sticks with you.

Because who ever is next in line... I will deeply feel for them. And what I don't get, I was so happy... for once. And yet you destroyed every piece of it.
And it turned into ashes.

You didn't deserve my love, you didn't deserve shit at this point. This was just an act right. And I should have known better, my mistake for trusting you.

I hope you remember me as a lesson, but forget me as a person. And I hope you finally look at me, look through me and see the pain.
I hope another girl doesn't go through this again. Because Jade knows right? What it feels like to feel like shit.

And I know I'm probably crossing the line. It's not because I hate you. It's because I hate that I love you. And profoundly when you love someone, feelings are always going to be there no matter what. So I just have to accept you.

I hope you take this time to change and if I ever encounter you in life. In Texas or somewhere. Who knows if there will be a second try. That would be a huge sacrifice.

Just know i will always love you. And to never forget that. I didn't mean to go off on you like that. I was having a rough day, and that day was the day I deserve loosing you.

I hope you don't have to go through this again. Just by what you've told me. I probably made it worse for now. But then again, it's not like guys think about girls the way girls think about guys. It's society.

I'm sorry for talking to you.  I'm sorry for loving you. But most importantly...

I'm sorry for ever caring about you.

Now the hard part is saying good bye. No more calling, no more snap chatting, no more 31:21, no more singing to me at night when I needed you the most. I have to say goodbye to all of that. All of it.

I hope you will do great things in life J. And I mean this because everyone needs to, in order to make this world a good place. I hope the future girls ahead will give you what I couldn't give you nor what I didn't have.

And I hope everything will be okay for you. I've realized your young. A guy obviously who doesn't know or somewhat knows how to treat someone right. My grandpa use to always tell me when I'm sad, "turn that frown upside down, because someone could be falling in love with you."

I believe him, and I always will.