Throne of Glass and ACOTAR Crossover (complete)

Chapter 38 - Aelin

I feel like I'm watching a disaster take place in slow motion. I know its happening, I know what the outcome is going to be, but there's nothing I can do to prevent it. I just have to sit and watch the world fall apart. I'm not good at that part.

Feyre is staring away from me, at Rhys. I can't see her face, but she's shaking. Physically shaking. I want to touch her, to comfort her, but I think that would only scare her more. Rhys' face, though, that I can see. He looks worried, painfully so. He knows that something is badly badly wrong, and he doesn't know how to fix it.

Rhys takes a step forward, Feyre takes one back. She nearly hits me, but I move out of the way. Rhys' eyes flick up to me, then back to Feyre's face.

Neither of them have spoken in minutes, not after Feyre's first word. Only Rowan and I know that it's the first word she's spoken since we got out. Since her world fell apart around her.

Rhys. Her salvation and her penance. Gods help us this was going to be a mess.

It's Mor who finally breaks the silence.

"Feyre?" her voice is wavering, as unsure as I have ever heard it. As scared as I have ever heard it.

"I'm sorry." Feyre's words are barely more than a whisper. She isn't looking at Mor, she's looking at Rhys. "I'm sorry."

Rhys' face contorts in confusion "What?"

"I'm sorry" she's shaking harder now, so much so that I'm worried she might fall over "I'm sorry."

Rhys takes another step toward his mate, Feyre takes another back. Pain joins the confusion on Rhys' face. "You don't have to be. Whatever happened, whatever it is, you don't have to be sorry."

Tears start rolling down Feyre's cheeks. "I'm sorry."

"I forgive you." The words sound so truthful, coming from Rhys' mouth, so earnest. So powerful. Like with those words alone he can put Feyre back together again. "Whatever it is, I forgive you."

Feyre shakes her head. "No. You don't forgive me. You just don't know it yet."

Mor cuts in "It doesn't matter Feyre. We always forgive you. Always."

Feyre is still shaking her head, eyes closed. She's muttering something under her breath, something that sounds a lot like " I can't, I can't, I can't"

"Feyre what do you need." They words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. I feel every pair of eyes swivel to me. Feyre's included.

For a long moment we stare at each other, my unblinking eyes into her tear filled ones. Finally she says, her voice cracking "I can't Aelin. I can't tell ... I can't watch..." She breaks off.

Without taking my eyes off of Feyre I say "Rowan, take Feyre inside. Feyre, go with Rowan."

Mor and Rhys stare at me in fury and confusion, but neither of them say a word. Probably because Feyre has already started moving. Rowan follows her, not too close, but close enough. Just before going into the small cottage behind Rhys Feyre turns back to us. "Thank you." She's no longer crying, but her voice is so soft that I have to strain to hear her. "And I'm sorry." Then she disappears inside.

As soon as she's gone I feel the intense gazes of both Rhys and Mor land squarely back on me. There is a powerful kind of fury behind both of their eyes. "What the hell right do you have" Rhys begins.

I draw myself up and stare back at him. "What right do I have?" I demand, a queen as I haven't been since coming here "What right do you have? You have no idea, none at all, what is going through her head right now. She is scared. She is scared of you, and she is scared of herself. She is scared that the moment you know the truth that you will hate her. She is scared that you will forgive her. She is scared that you will blame her. She. Is. Scared. So don't you be all high and mighty, My Lord. If she needs space and time and somebody else to talk to you, then that is what she gets. Understood?"

"Why." There is no fight left is Rhys' voice, no anger, just a terrible pain and sadness. "Why is she scared. And why aren't you?"

"I'm not scared because it isn't me coming home to my family to tell them that I have failed them. It isn't me coming to my High Lord and telling him that I couldn't stop Hybern bringing down the wall. It isn't me coming to my mate and telling him that another man touched me, forced me, and I wasn't strong enough to make him stop. I'm not afraid because my entire life isn't on the line here."

There is no colour in either of their faces. They look like a pair of ghosts. Mor has a hand pressed against her mouth and tears dancing on the tips of her eyelashes. Rhys hasn't moved, hasn't moved at all. There is a small part of me that can't help but notice how like Feyre he is in that regard.

"The story" Rhys says, voice expressionless, "From the beginning."

It doesn't take long to tell. When I'm done Mor's tears have spilled over and are running down her face, soaking the front of her shirt. Rhys still hasn't moved.

Finally Mor speaks. "Does she really think that we will blame her for this? For any of it?"

She pauses then says, quietly, answering her own question,

"Of course she does."

Rhys, without warning, whips around and storms into the cottage. I follow, almost running through the little door before I stop, frozen, staring around in wonder. The walls, in fact every surface, are covered in paintings. Wings, and hair and eyes and colours. It's too much to take in all at once. It's beautiful. Rowan is sitting at the table, looking very uncomfortable in the middle of the designs. I think because there is something very personal to them. Its obvious in every single brushstroke how much the artist loved their subject.

When Rowan sees the look on Rhys' face he gestures to a door, one which I'm guessing leads to the bedroom as it seems to be the only exit. Rhys wordlessly walks through it. It closes with a soft click behind him.

"She painted all this you know". Mor's voice sounds softly from the entrance. "After she found out they were mates."

There's no doubt who she's talking about. Right now, in this room, there is only one she.

Neither Rowan nor I respond. Instead we just sit, staring wordlessly at Feyre's heart.

Hey all!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Don't forget to vote and comment below!

Now, side note. As we (probably) all know, ACOWAR is being released May 2. At the rate I'm going, this story probably won't be finished by May 2nd, though it might, I'm not sure. Now here's my question. If I'm not done before ACOWAR comes out, should I continue the story, or just not bother? Let me know in the comments!