Karma's Happenstance

Are You Feeling My Pain

Are You Feeling My Pain

Izzy POV 

I can’t do this shit. I just don't know how to do it.

Seriously, I can’t do this shit anymore.

How the fuck did I manage to mess everything up like this? The drugs, the dealing, that fucking dealer… and now that church girl. She's the only fucking solid thought that my brain can seem to wrangle. Whatever this is, it’s fucking with my mind and I don’t fucking like it. I don't get all strung out on chicks...like ever. There has to be something wrong with me. I had to have caught a bug or something out there in the goddamn desert.

First I can’t even get it up, then I just can’t finish fucking a slut because the only thing I see are these fucking blue eyes. Very innocent blue eyes. This is nuts. This is just not who I am. Not my fucking style.

Now I stand in the middle of the hallway and gawk at the chick like a love sick teenager. I'm not exaggerating this shit. I can’t look away from her standing there before me. She looks fucking perfect. Absolutely perfect.

That short dress is showing off her long legs and barely hides anything. Fuck she had one killer set of fucking legs. But those long luscious legs aside, all I can focus on are those tiny freckles on her cleavage and her shoulders. Damn me. Fuck me. Somebody just kill me now and put me out of my own misery. Put me down like the mangy dog I am.

I think I accidentally groaned, fighting the urge to kiss every little freckled spot. God how I could take my time and do it all fucking night long. I could just memorize the tiny spots and let them form patterns in my head. Just like stargazing on a hot Indiana night.

And now she just stands there staring at me like she thinks I might not like the dress. Fuck that dress, I'm looking at a bigger and better picture here. To hell with this fucking piece of cloth Nikki Sixx deems as a fucking dress. But she expects me to say something. I have to say something.

"You… uhm..." I let out a cough. Get it together Isbell. Form a fucking sentence for god's sake you miserable fuck. "You look stunning."

I manage to get out over a severely dry throat and curse Nikki Sixx in my mind at the same time. Why in hell did I send her shopping with him anyway? Him and his fucking rock star attitude. Throwing out money to dress up my chick and I’m even too broke to have a burger or something for dinner. Why would she choose me anyway? And why do I even care? She's not even my fucking chick. 

"Thank you." She says, avoiding my gaze, biting her lower lip. At least she seems a bit lighter.

Did I just groan again? I’m pretty sure I did because I’m fucking hard again. This is fucking weird. My dick just spontaniously rises to every occasion involving her. I’ve never been that turned on before. Not on smack anyway. 

Awkward silence encompasses us. I need to distract myself before I fuck everything up even worse.

"You wanna hang out with the guys?" I ask lamely, even though all I can think about is that I want to drag her into one of the several bedrooms and fuck her like an animal. Like really, on all fours and just fucking maul her. Flash my fucking feathers. Do a dance. Chirp a fucking song. scratch. Claw. Bite. God, Isbell. You fucking loser. Keep your shit together.

"It’s late. I think I should go and get some sleep." She says and I mentally kick myself.

Sure, she must be fucking exhausted. She's not coked up like the rest of us. She hasn't slept since she slept in her own bed probably.

"Yeah, sure…" I say and give her a nod. "I guess you can have one of these bedrooms. We guys usually pass out on the floor at some point anyway." I try to be funny and show her the way to the bedroom. 

When I turn on the light she gasps and I can’t help noticing that pink blush she gets whenever she’s exited. That’s fucking sexy. Her lips part in amazement, taking in the luxurious bedroom. I'm pretty sure this would probably be Nikki's room. The ambiance of the room screamed Sixx. The bass guitar in the corner was another helpful hint.

I was relatively sure that fucker had no intention of sleeping tonight, so this was probably a good place for her to crash. Nikki could fuck bimbo's in some other room. It was the least that mother fucker could do after the way he parade around church girl like a fucking science or sociology experiment.

I can’t turn my gaze away from her lips. They are plush and pink and I can still remember what she tasted like when I stole that little kiss. 
Nothing compared to Sixx, that motherfucker, who shoved his tongue down her throat like he tried to reach her stomach or something. Sick fuck. And yeah, he was right, she did taste like cotton candy. I have to close my eyes for a second because I might lose it, thinking about that kiss he gave her. 

She turns around and her blue eyes reach mine. 
I can’t look away. I need a fucking taste of these delicious looking lips. It honestly takes every shred of willpower in me to keep my fucking hands to myself. I can't stop thinking about how Nikki kissed her. That fucker did it right. A part of me worries that I may hail in comparison. I guess I'm not as confident as Sixx.

My mind shuts off. Without thinking, I shove a strand of her red hair behind her ear, still focusing on her lips. And she appears to be focused on mine as well. A welcome mat if you ask me. Do I kiss her? I mean, maybe she's had enough of that sort of thing for today.

I see her swallow. And I see my palm lingering at her cheek. Those lips...those lips draw me in like some unseen tractor beam. I move closer. She doesn't move. She doesn't breathe. My thumb lightly brushes her bottom lip and her eyes flutter.

I can't think. Instinct takes over. Just the same as the desire of dope sometimes takes over all rational thinking. My thumb is immediately replaced by my lips. Soft. Warm. I defanitely groan and try to keep my dick from poking into her.

My right hand slides into that fire red hair. My left finds a place to rest in the small of her back. I can't fucking think. I can't fucking stop. God I hope I'm doing better at this than Nikki.

Then I feel her hand sheepishly twine into my hair as her head tilts to allow me better access. Our lips part and our tongues start to massage one another. Please let me do this better than Sixx. But now that I've got her here like this...what do I do with her? Do I see how far she will let me go? Or do I do the gentlemanly thing and stop myself before I get out of control? 

Against every fucking thing screaming in my head, I pull my shit together and stop. I allow a Sixx like smile to cross my lips as I look at her. I just can't stop from doing it. I force my feet to move a step back. 

"Sleep well."

God I'm such a fucking loser.