Karma's Happenstance

Questionable Behavior

Questionable Behavior

MJ POV 

Father Sebastian had been so wrong about love making. I’m pretty sure this isn’t a sin. Nothing that feels so good can be wrong in god’s eyes. Can it? When Izzy had touched me last night, I was on fire. I had gripped the headboard to push him closer to that delicious feeling between my legs. I still don't know what caused me to feel like that.

Then it was over. Izzy regretted touching me. He left me, alone and naked in that large bed. He left me here, confused, hot and wanting him. He came back eventually to take me into his arms but I could still feel his tension. He didn’t want to be there at all. He had said that he felt it, too. But then he made up silly excuses for not being with me. 

Maybe it’s because I don’t have any experience in these things? I thought I was ready for this. Ready to go all the way with him but he backed off like he didn’t want to touch me at all. Was he disappointed that I wasn’t a virgin anymore? 

Shame and grief washes over me. Father Sebastian always told us to stay pure and save ourselves until we would marry our future husband. He used to tell us that no man would marry damaged goods and that our virginity was our gift to our future husband. Of course no one talked about what had happened to me while I had been on college. I sort of wished they had. My virginity, in essence, was stolen. This had to change the rules for me, didn't it?

When I wake up, Izzy’s gone and Nikki is sitting on my bed. First I flinch. This guy is some really mysterious kind of guy. He keeps surprising me. After he nearly raped my last night, he comes to my room to apologize. I think it’s kind of sweet because he seems like a guy that doesn’t apologize at all. So I believe him, he’s sorry and that it all looked the wrong way. 

I get dressed and talk to him for hours. He’s actually really funny and charming. He reminds me of Izzy once in a while. Without that tortured expression Izzy wears on his face all the time. I wish I could take away what is hurting him so much. I wish I could understand what it was.

He orders me breakfast and candidly talks to me about his plans for Motley Crue to take over the world. He says it's his way of throwing a middle finger up to eveyone who told he he would never amount to anything. Nikki seems really proud of himself too. I guess he had a right to be. He shows me a few magazines with him on the cover. When he flips on the TV, Motley Crue is playing. It was the devils music for sure. But I can see Nikki really must be a famous rock star. Especiall the way he throws around money.

At some point I hear the door. Slash and a girl huddle into the room, making out. She’s already topless and I blush at where he’s touching her. I wonder where Izzy has disappeared to and walk toward the hall to find him. 

It takes me some minutes to excuse myself to Nikki and the couple that’s making out on the couch now. As soon as Ieave the room, a high pitched moan grabs my attention and I follow the muffled sounds to the bathroom. Ice cold shivers run down my spine as I hear the recognizable sound of sexual pleasure. I open the bathroom door and instantly wish I had turned away and left. My heart misses a beat when I see Izzy with another woman. 

Even for a clueless girl like me it’s clear what she is doing on her knees, bent over his most private parts as he’s leaned back to the wall, eyes closed. The look on his face looks like something I had seen last night. He was enjoying this. 

I can’t stop looking. My hand covers my mouth, but I can’t avoid the sob that’s rising from my throat. My heart breaks in that very moment. Then he looks up at me. His jaw drops and he looks reall uncomfortable.

I feel Nikki's hand at my back. He smirks somehing smart to Izzy, but I can't even hear him. The girl says something too, but I can't hear that either. I can only stare at Izzy as the tears fall from my eyes.

The next thing I know Nikki is wapping his arms around me and leading me away. He takes me back to his room. As he opens the door for me Izzy comes running up the hall.

"Sugar, wait, I can explain," he says.

Nikki turns to him and pushes him away hard in the center of his chest and shuts his door with us inside and Izzy out. He locks his door and a series of knocks come. Along with muffled words from Izzy. I can only sob into my hands. Eventually Nikki opens the door. He seems prepared for Izzy trying to get in. He pushes him back again.

"Fuck off Stradlin, go fuck the stripper you drug back here," I hear him say and slam the door. I guess Izzy goes away because I don't hear him anymore.

I can feel Nikki sit on the edge of the bed next to me. Soon I feel him pulling my hands away. Then he shoves a dink in them.

"You need a drink baby," he says to me.

"I...I don't drink," I tell him.

He snorts, "Seems like a good time to start."

And maybe he's right. I take the drink and pull it to my lips. It smells like Izzy. Another tear falls from my eye as I bring it to my lips. I let it spill into my mouth and instantly feel fire. I force myself to swallow. Goosebumps form on my arms and I shiver uncontrollably. Coughing comes next. Nikki takes the glass from my hand and rubs my back through the coughing.

"Don't worry, it gets easier," He says and turns up the glass and empties it effortlessly. He looks back to me. "You love him huh?" He asks me.

I don't know what to say. Do I love him? "I think so," I answer.

"Why?" Nikki asks with enthasism.

I wipe my tears and shrug. I had no clue why. I just did. My thoughts are broken by Nikki wrapping his arm around my waist and sliding closer to me. 

"I wouldn't worry too much about that other chick," he sighs, "Chicks dig guys like us. You can't fight them off sometimes."

I look up at him. His hair, wild as always, isn't covering his eyes at the moment. They are a really interesting set of eyes. All the make up smeared around them just made the color seem more vivid. Sea foam green and dull muted grey. But for once there seems to be no smirk on his face. No mischiviousness in his eyes. He seems different.

"You're defending him?" I question.

"I..."he pauses, "I'm just saying..." His eyes suddenly flutter and he quickly moves away from me. 

He goes over to the night stand and slides open a drawer. I see him pulling out things. Folded pieces of wax paper. A filthy spoon. A bottle of lemon juice. And a needle. Is this drugs?

"What are you doing?" I quickly ask.

He glances at me. "Oh don't worry, this is for me, not you."