Karma's Happenstance

Distractions

Distractions

Nikki POV 

I glance out of the room, to see where that dick is who should be guarding the door. 
Lucky me, he seems to be taking a piss, screw a virgin or harass some kid. Whatever those church freaks do all the time. So that’s my cue to get out unnoticed. This adventure fills me with excitement. Man, I love to fuck with people and I can’t wait to mess with those religious fanatics. 

I roll down the sleeves of my black button down shirt to hide my tattoos. I shove it into my pants before I take a final look at myself in the mirror. Damn, I look pretty awesome all respectable. I bet all those fucking virgins will be wetting their pants when I show up. This is actually some really kinky shit. I really need to try this style again and fuck some nuns. I bet nuns are wild. Yeah, I know I’m evil but that’s not the sexiest part of me. Take a guess and just trust me on this. 

Before I can open the door and make my way to welcome all my lost sheep, a bearded old man slips into the room, looking at me confused. Yes, I'm still a bit freakish looking compared to all of them.

“Oh… I…I was just looking for the bride.” He says, watching me. “I’m father Sebastian.”
I can’t hold a smirk as I hold out my hand to shake his. 

‘Well, hello father Sebastian. I’m reverend Nik... ummm Franklin. Franklin Carlton Serafino Ferrana. Your replacement.” 

“Replacement? I don’t understand…” He says with a puzzled look on his face.

Right before I knock him down. Ok, maybe it was distasteful to knock out a man of some streange god. This just keeps getting better and better. Those church freaks will not see it coming. And tying up father Sebastian and dumping him in the closet, makes sure I’ll not be interrupted until I finished my preaching. Wow i should have prepared a sermon.

But despite their glares of curiosity, they lead me to the front of the church. I am nothing lie they have ever before see. Now I stand in front of this bunch of crazy fuckers and glance at the groom. Holy fuck, how old is that guy? Ninety? Crazy perv.

Don’t get me wrong, I know exactly why a fucking doter like him would marry a girl like MJ. But there isn’t a chance in hell that this guy would ever get it up again. Like ever. Seriously. 

I look at the chicks in front row. These are his other wives I guess. I could flirt, but this would only put a premature end to this charade buying Stradlin time. Fuck i can do this. I just hope I can do it with a straight face. Spreading my arms I begin with my speech. 

“Oh… my lost little lambs…” I start when I hear mumbling from the front rows. 

“Where’s father Sebastian?” a woman asks the woman to her right confused. 

“I am reverend Ferrana and I’m gonna lead you all to that dark place of lust, passion and multiple orgasms.” 

I wink at a hot blonde in the second row. “You just have to say “please”, honey.” Her jaw drops in horror but I see the excitement for a forbidden fruit like me in her eyes. I'm hot, what can I say?

“What is the meaning of this?” Some dude asks me...father of the bride perhaps.

“I've been sent by the Utah chapter,” I smirk opening a bible. I look down on it and read some of the scripture. “It is written, I will destroy the freedom of the wise.” You can hear fucking crickets in here. But I go on. This is too goddanm funny. “But we speak the wisdom of god in mystery. We are fools for Christ's sake, despised. It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you. It is a great thing to reap your carnal things.”

These people are about to faint. And I'm actually saying shit out of this bible laying in front of me. It is turned to Corinthians. Maybe I should have went with a passage from The Necronomicon, blow their minds with black magic.

“Wait!” A voice calls out. “It's that sleazy rocker of Mary Josephine's!”

“I only rock for the lord,” I humbly smile in sarcasm.

“Where's my sister!” her apparent brother asks standing up. Then again with these weirdo's it might also be her cousin.

Damn, busted. This was just getting good.

“She's gone!” I hear a woman cry out from the back of the church in the room Mary Jo had been in.

I smirk, “Looks like the bride says 'I don't', so I guess I'll be moving along.” I say and prepare for a cordial exit.

“What have you done with my daughter?!” The father of the bride asks me with rage.

“Me?” I innocent;y ask with my hand to my chest, “...nothing, why do you think I should?”

“Somebody get this imposter out of here!” He snaps at me.

“Where is my bride?!” The ugly fat pudgy groom asks me.

“Um...Greyhound? Motley airlines? Hard to specuate really?” I shrug with a snarl.

By now a group of men is creeping toward me. I should probably be scared, but I'm Nikki fucking Sixx. They should be afraid of me. I am the devil after all. A demonic sinner in their house of sin...uh...I mean God. You know, I'm surprised I didn't burst into flames the second I walked in the door here. Curious.

“Look,” I say holding a hand up to them that come toward me. “I've got nothing to lose here, but MJ and Izzy...well...they're in love and they deserve the chanve to ride that shit out.” Oh wait, I can't say shit in church.

“She left with him again!?” Someone, a brother, or cousin a maybe snaps.

I roll my eyes, “Yeah yeah...I get what you're going to say...what can a filthy rock star offer? Well...money for one...but the kicker is travel. Never know where a rocker may end up in a matter of hours. The possibilities are limitless.” I shrug.

“Where did they go!” The brother cousin demands.

“And I would tell you because...?” I shrug sarcastically.

“Because if you don't we'll take you out behind the woodshed!” The cousin brother says curling his hands into a fists.

I smile at how cleche that sounds. “I don't mind being spanked,” I answer with my smirkiest smirk. “And I'm really good at keeping secrets...like the secret that my followers will soon be here with cops to collect me. I'm a really important kind of guy.”

They look to one another doubting me.

“Look out the window,” I motion to a limo with Doc gettin out. A cop car and our security guy Fred. Thanks for calling me some help Stradlin. About time he pay me back a fucking favor. I rub my hands together. “Well, it looks like my job here is done, so I'll bid you all a farewell,” I give a graceful bow just as Doc bursts through the door.