Worlds of Thought

Chapter 8

****self harm mention****

Paul could stay in bed forever. Daryl had rolled over in his sleep and clung to Paul's arm and side, his head snuggled up next to his shoulder. Paul was trapped on his back but, didn't mind, the sound Daryl's soft and steady breathing, and warmth was relaxing. He thought back to the years before the outbreak, back to his teenage days where he was shamed for loving who he did, how it drove him to a pit of depression he always had a hard time getting out of. Paul dealed with self destructive thoughts and tendencies up into his adult life. The scars on his wrist now blended in with the rest of his battle marks. He was happy he was here though, he was happy he found Daryl. Paul's eyes welled with tears and he used his other arm that Daryl wasn't wrapped around, to wipe his face.

"why you cryin?' Daryl's voice was groggy.

"oh i didn't know you were awake." Paul sniffled and wiped his nose with his sleeve. Daryl unwrapped himself from around Paul and sat up, sitting cross legged.

"sorry i was uh, all up in your space." Daryl apologized, and Paul moved to sit up facing him.

"no its okay it was, cute." Paul wiped his nose again, eyes still puffy and red.

"so whats wrong? did i do something wrong?" Daryl chewed on his lip.

"no no! it wasn't you, i was just thinking, like about my past and stuff, and how lucky and happy i am to be here with you. Thats, so cheesy but.." He ran his hand through his wild morning hair."its true." Daryl nodded and blushed.

He knew exactly what those scars on his wrist were from, they were just like the scabs on his own hand. It saddened Daryl knowing Paul seemingly hadn't had a great life long ago either. He understood that Paul never told him because it might have been too upsetting, and he respected that. But it was an odd comfort, he felt less alone. They both had demons. He was reminded of his time being held by the saviors, and knew at some point he would have to tell Paul, or somebody about it. He liked that the younger man let him take his time and respected that Daryl would tell him when he was ready. Paul had been the only one who saw the effect it had on him, the only one who knew about the nightmares. Daryl was scared to even think about it for a while, but he knew that if he didnt talk about it now, while it was at the surface, he would want to talk about it ever again.

"kept me in a cell." Daryl said quietly. He looked up to see Pauls wide eyes welling with tears once again.

"oh Daryl.. we dont have to talk about it now, unless your ready to?" Paul reached out and held Daryl's hand.

"m' ready." He stared at their intertwined hands, "the cell was small and dark and they didnt give me any clothes until a few days, i think, after i got there, lived in filth, like an animal. They played this song over and over and over, only giving me dog food on bread." he looked up at Paul, who had tears silently streaming down his face Daryl could see the pain is his eyes. "made me wear this stupid lookin white sweatsuit with an A on it, started draggin me around doing dumb chores and shit. almost got out once, but. got the shit beaten out of me.... They uh.. they gave me this Polaroid." His voice started to crack "it uh.. it was a picture of- of Glenn after.. that night." He took a ragged deep breath and looked up at Paul.

"Oh my god." Paul reached out and pulled Daryl close. Daryl half laying/sitting in his lap, clung around his waist. And he finally let it out, Daryl let out all the built up emotions and pain he'd forced himself to keep in. Just sitting, Pauls arms holding him, had felt better than burning himself, or hunting down walkers to kill. It felt safe, and good. They both cried, a lot.

"im so sorry they did that to you. im so glad you got out of there im so glad i ran into you on your way out Daryl." Paul said through sniffles, and stroked his hair.

Both Paul and Daryl were taken back at the situation. Usually Daryl would never let himself be so vulnerable, unless it was after a nightmare (but even then they both knew Daryl was hardly conscious from sleep). The vulnerability wasnt unsettling though, they both found to comforting to be able to let their guards down without judgement.

After a while of just sitting in each others arms, Daryl looked up to face his partner. Both of them were red nosed and puffy eyed.

"paul, yer an ugly crier" Daryl teased. Paul looked down at him and laughed, "hey!.. so are you" he stuck his tongue out at the older man.

As they started to laugh, someone burst into Pauls room,

"Jesus wake up you're-" Maggie stopped in the doorway, eyes wide, hand over her mouth covering an obvious smile. She stared at the sniffly red faced boys. "oh my god im sorry i"

Daryl didnt know what to do but burrow his head further into Pauls chest. "ill... be in the kitchen uh waiting for you paul." she left and closed the door behind her. Paul burst out laughing, and Daryl stayed where he was, only letting out a deep groan of embarrassment.

He moved to sit up again, looking at the younger man

"guess we gotta tell her now." He rubbed his eyes.

"yeah... ill go see what she wants, and ill tell her to not to tell anyone, is that okay?" Paul got up and started getting proper clothes on. Daryl fell back, laying down on the bed, and tried not to stare as paul changed his shirt

"mm, might as well tell enid and sasha, but no one else yet. God knows those two would have found out anyways." Paul nodded as he sat down on the bed to tie his boots.

"okay, well you can stay here and lay around for a while i dont mind, and i wont tell anyone about anything you told me okay." Paul turned to look at Daryl.

"thank you." Daryl mumbled. Paul smiled and headed out the door.

Daryl wrapped himself up in Paul's blankets, taking in the mans scent all around him. He felt so weightless now that he told somebody what happened to him. He hadnt been in a real healthy relationship like this before, only flings here and there in high school, and especially never with a man before but, he liked it, he liked holding Paul, and Paul holding him. It felt natural, and Daryl could feel the love.

He decided he would wait until he thought Maggie was gone to go back to his room to get dressed.

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"Maggie listen, i dont want you getting the wrong idea okay." Paul started and sat next to her at the kitchen table.

"Jesus look i dont need you to explain anything to me its fine," she smiled," i only hope those weren't sad or angry tears. All i want to say is that i love you, but if you are mean to that boy i swear on my life i will end you Paul." Maggie raised her brow, it was her first time using his first name. Paul smiled and blushed, looking down at his hands.

"i understand, ill be good to him i promise, hes good to me."

"good. Now for the real reason im here. I wanted to remind you that drop off from Alexandria should be here today, we also have a meeting scheduled with rick and who ever else comes with him, about weapons, plans etc." she paused and sighed. "he ready to tell everyone about... this, yet?" she said quietly.

"no, i dont think so. He's scared i think." Maggie nodded in response.

They continued chatting quietly for awhile before they heard Paul's bedroom door open. Daryl scurried out into the hallway.

"good morning Daryl." Maggie giggled as he walked into his room and shut the door behind him.