The trouble with drugs is that no matter how much pain and misery they put you through, they become a part of you. And you will always want to go crawling back.
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The pain simmered and prickled with heat against my skin. His rough hand impacted the entire region surrounding my right cheek and ear, leaving a ringing sound as a remnant. The force of it all knocked me to my knees.
Flashbacks of Mark surged through my thoughts- leaving me flinching on the floor, expecting another blow. I was in absolute shock- lips ajar, my eyes blinking hard because I couldn't believe that that really just happened.
I wanted to cry, wanted to scream, wanted to fight, but I was too scared. My new perception of Aaron dissipated to dust.
All my emotions were packed densely and painfully reflected in his eyes. His unforgiving persona wasn't anything that made his audience think less of him, but if they saw the storm in his blue eyes like I did, they'd see the hurt he was masking.
"And this is why I'm promoting you to Lieutenant," Diego announced. Aaron dropped his attention to the floor and then looked back up at Diego. "You're my best performer. You take orders and execute no matter what it is, and that's the typa nígga I can trust with my organization. After Tuesday, you won't be a hitman anymore. Sabrine, Lamar, Matthew, Smoke, and everyone else is gon look up to you for orders."
"Thank you," Aaron muttered to my astonishment.
"7k this month and it only gets better from here. Your brother woulda been proud." Diego turned to me only halfway as if I were an annoying child or a servant. "You can leave now."
Without another glance, I scrambled off the floor and was on my way. This time, it was different from all the other instances where I climbed those stairs. Somehow each of my steps became prolonged and meaningless. One meaningless step after another. I wouldn't cry because I already did so much beforehand. All the sobbing I did the past week left me dry.
Aaron could have continued to argue. He could have been a bigger man and chosen me. But he decided to follow orders instead.
I messed up. That's the only reason why I'm even in this situation in the first place. But now I'm not the only one in the wrong. Aaron chose his job over me. He decided to back down and go against his morals. I'm not sure if he even has any.
This was the boy I fell in love with. And though I wanted so badly to pack up and blame it all on Aaron, I couldn't because he was already so deeply rooted in me. He was manifested in my heart, in my lungs, in my thoughts. The pain of leaving him would be the equivalence of him abandoning me.
It was all my fault, a lose-lose situation. If he did not hit me, Diego would have punished him in an irrevocable way, which would ultimately fuel Aaron's anger towards me. Aaron hit me and it still hindered our relationship. It left him just as guilty as me.
