Where Poems Come to Die

rape joke : a eulogy

TRIGGER WARNING: contains suggestions of rape and assault as well as one explicit word

*****

To the boy at the back of the class 

who writes me love letters

I'd really appreciate it if you didn't. 

You see, 

You words spill off your tongue like honey

But they land upon my skin like flames

Branding your name onto the skin above my chest

And the last thing I need is a permanent reminder of your existence. 

To the boy who smiles at me each morning,

The irony in your eyes makes me laugh 

For though you stare at me each day 

You'll never notice how my hands itch to sew your lips shut 

To trap your voice beneath the weight of your tongue 

So maybe you'll understand the helplessness of losing your ability to speak 

Or rather 

Being told your words mean nothing at all

No matter how loud you scream 

To the boy who begs my forgiveness 

I beg you back 

Take your lies and hide them in the graveyard in your chest 

In that tomb of bones you call a rib cage 

And tell them to cry at the headstone where your heart once lived 

For maybe you can find it within you to forgive yourself 

But your apologies will not survive on my land 

Your eyes ask how I got these scars 

And I want to show you where I bled out 

From the fight for your affection

And if regret was a maze 

Then I am bound to your reflection 

In the mirror 

Reminding me our souls are bound together to rot 

Forever 

Stab me in the back and I'll bleed a million reasons why I should give you a second chance 

But look me in the eye and I'll remember that they're bullshit 

To the boy with eyes deeper than ocean trenches 

I hope you drown in your own guilt 

And choke on your apologies 

So maybe you'll be quiet enough to listen 

When I tell you I'm done. 

If I stapled your lips together would you keep them away from mine 

And if your hands were bound behind your back 

Would you keep them off my skin 

When I say no 

The first time 

And the second 

Until the single syllable is a blur 

In your psychedelic world that I will always be a guest in.

To the boy who hands out kindness like a currency 

I hope you blind yourself on the light you bathe yourself in 

And maybe in the darkness 

You will learn the difference between desire and respect 

Until you crawl out on hands scraped by the sharp edges of my fractured soul 

 And cry as you watch me try to convince my shadow that I'm worth following. 

To the boy at the back of the class who writes me love letters 

Your words fall on deaf ears. 

The girl you wrote them for no longer lives at this address 

You can find her at the cemetery 

Laying flowers over her faith in humanity 

Feet bound by your selfishness 

When you speak her name like poetry 

I hope you suffocate on your pride 

And trip over your hypocrisy  

Until your bruises spell out your confessions 

And your scars can explain why her words meant less than your desires 

Why her lips in a perfect O was more important than when they formed around the objections she tried so desperately to convey to you

But you wouldn't take no for an answer 

To the boy I used to know, 

Sincerely,

Go fuck yourself. 

*****