Fighting the Wolves

Chapter Eleven

*DISCLAIMER* The song above contains explicit content.

I can't go just a couple hours without something going wrong with my life. It's like the whole universe is against me. No matter how hard I try at life, despite my horrendously depressing thoughts, things just never go my way.

Fifth hour, that usual sweet period after lunch where your stomach is satisfied with lunch, and your brain is semi-functioning due to the fact that it's after noon. Although I still crave the sweet embrace of my warm bed at home, I still have to be here. In Economics.

Damn social studies, always putting me down.
Let's just hope it doesn't get worse.

Jackson freaking Miller, the boy who never disappoints to ruin any type of quiet calm I may have. Why couldn't he skip school? He hasn't been here for years, and now he shows up on time, never skipping classes. What a prick.
He tenses up as soon as he enters the room, his eyes finding me in the near the middle, by the window to the far right of the classroom. I strive to be invisible, I strive for no one to notice me.

Why can't I have that?
Is it too much to ask?
What more could I want during these dreadful high school years?

I keep my head down, my eyes staring down at a book I was reading; Not looking at the words, just silently screaming to myself that if I ignore him long enough he'll go away. I can feel his eyes steering into my scull, branding it with the imprints of his gorgeous blue eyes.

I swear to God, just leave me alone.
You let me leave, don't glare at me with your stupid regret.

I hear more people file into the classroom as the minutes tick by for class to start. All the meanwhile, I never feel relief from his damn gaze.
The bell rings; class has begun.
But somehow I feel somewhere deep in the corners of my mind, that a type of war had also begun.

"Alright, pull out the article copies I gave you last week, we're going over them and comparing them to another article I've chosen." Mr. Carter stands up, turning on the projector and pulling up the online article he mentioned.
I really don't want to make myself noticed whatsoever, but I raise my hand to get the teachers attention.

"Mr. Carter?" I ask just loud enough that I thought he could hear me, but apparently not as he continues to search the news website for the article he wants. I clear my throat, this time speaking his name louder than the last, but he still doesn't hear me. I give up my attempts at getting the teachers attention, deciding to just wing the class for the day. After all, I'm apparently invisible to teachers, so he won't notice I don't have one of the hand outs, right?

Me. Cater finally pulls up the article he wants, and pulls the projector back for enough so that the image is big and clear. He looks around the room at each row, making sure everyone has their handouts.

Crap.
Don't look at me.
Don't look at me.
Crap on a giant lobster, he's gonna look.
Crap.

"Ah, I see our little absentee decided to show up to school today," he chuckles in a mocking voice. I stare down at my desk, trying to ignore the now dozens of stares that are trying to dig into my skin. As if Jackson staring at me wasn't enough, now I have the whole class staring at me. The funny thing is, I don't think anyone noticed I had left, nor did they know I had returned, until now.

"I was thinking you decided to drop out, if I recall your grades in my world history class last year," A few snickers from other classmates chorus around the room. The constant ringing in my ears, the constant horrible screeching ringing, is currently getting louder. I glance up at the teacher, blinking away the pain which is being caused by the ringing, only to find the teacher dropping one of the handouts on my desk. Because I can't hear, I assume that he's giving it to me; but as soon as I reach for it, he snatches it from my hands.

What is wrong with this teacher?
If I remember correctly, I didn't even have this teacher for social studies last year.
So why is he yelling at me?
And why do I feel bad?
Oh the wonderful affects of crippling depression and anxiety!
High school is such a wonderful time to be alive!

Finally Mr. Carter slams the paper down on my desk before returning to the projector, finally beginning the class. (Despite spending 7 minutes screaming at me in front of the whole class.)
I didn't realize I was hyperventilating throughout the entire scene, making me dig my nails into my arm. I remove my hands from my arm, revealing deep imprints in my skin from my fingernails, followed up by short spouts of blood from the fresh wounds. I quickly reach into my backpack and grab a Kleenex to wipe away the blood, ignoring the small pains coming from the wounds.

As soon as I'm done I look up, accidentally locking eyes with the one guy I was avoiding. Whom I failed to notice is sitting right next to me, and has been this entire time. His eyes looking into me with something that makes me want to crawl into a hole: pity.
My mind turns down dark paths as I force my eyes away, twisting along pitch black corridors that make up the depth of my mind, the part that is controlled by the majority of my demons.

He watched the teacher humiliate us.
He's supposed to be our mate.
He didn't help us.
He doesn't care.
He only took us before, because he's drawn to us.
That's how it works isn't it?
Werewolves are only drawn by some stupid bond.
All the stories I've read, the illogical unrealistic falling for each other before even knowing the smallest details about one another
I know this is a freaky fantasy that werewolves are real.
But the good aspects could have at least tagged along.

~*~

As soon as the bell rings, I grab my bag and rush out of the classroom. I spent the entire period thinking horrendous thoughts about how I'm not worthy of being loved; and it's true.
I walk to my next class furiously, not caring who I bump into along the way. As soon as I make it in front of the art classroom, I notice the sign on the door:
'Ms. Hallaway is out for the day, and there are no available substitutes; enjoy your free period!'
At least there's this. With my last period non-existent, I make my way out of the school. I'm not officially allowed to leave school grounds since it's still an official school day, and I'm not a senior; but since the school is right next to a forest, I can make the most out of the warm weather, and my halfway read book from the library.

Let me escape.

Dragons, fairies, and cheesy romance; sign me up.
I feel a presence behind me, something in my mind told me it was Jackson, but something else told me exactly who it was.

"What book are you reading now?" Lexi sits down beside me, leaning against the tree trunk along with me. I give her a said smile as I turn the cover over for her to examine it. She nods her head in approval of the fantasy novel.
"How are you doing?" She always knows the answer well enough, but she always makes me say it aloud.
"I'm dead inside, but what's new?" I let my head fall back against the tree trunk, closing my eyes in a numb bliss.
"Has he talked to you?" I set my book on top of my backpack, any intentions of reading gone due to the 'talk' Lexi wants to have.
"No, and I want it to stay that way." I firmly reply, she simply nods her head in response. And that seems to be the end of the conversation, even though I thought she would want to talk more about the subject.
The rest of the hour went by quick, and was filled with a comfortable silence. But eventually the bell rang, signifying the end of the school day. I get up from my spot against the tree, hugging Lexi goodbye before walking off of school grounds.

I head home with my eyes pricked with tears that I know will never fall, with full intentions of the worst. Intentions of attempting to destroy myself just a bit more to keep myself from falling over the edge.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Waaaaaaaaaaa
Why am I so horrible? I didn't update last week. I'm such a horrible person, I apologize. But at least there's an update now! Does it make up for last week? No? I didn't think so.
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed!
Please vote & comment!

Song above is I'm bad at life by Falling In Reverse.