The One Who Didn't Die

17. Slipping

21 November

I was lying in a bed in the ER waiting for Jo to arrive. The nurse who I had been speaking to asked for someone she could call for me and I told her to call Jo.

"Daryl?" I asked when I saw him approaching my bed. "What are you doing here?" I asked not hiding my confusion.

"Jo called me, she had an emergency at work." He said shrugging. "And it seems as though you had an emergency too. What happened?" He asked looking very worried as he looked me up and down.

"Excuse me sir." A nurse came along to cut Daryl off. He started wheeling the bed I was in somewhere, a private room, I assumed. "You can follow if you'd like." The nurse said looking over at Daryl who followed carefully.

"So what's going on?" He asked when we were alone. I was about to open my mouth but started crying instead. Inhale. Exhale.

"Hey, talk to me." He said sitting on the edge of the chair.

"I was pregnant." I blurted out.

"You said that in the past tense. Why?" He asked not moving a muscle as he sat in the chair beside me.

"I had," Inhale. Exhale. "I had a miscarriage or at least I've been having one for the last 6 days." I said trying to hold back more oncoming tears. "I didn't even know I was pregnant until I found out the baby was gone, today." I said finally wiping my face with my hand. I had been carrying the baby for two weeks before I lost it, in other words, I fell pregnant on the first of November."

"I don't know what to say." He said with his head down. He got up and came over to me. He stretched his arms out timidly and wrapped them around me. "This was our baby?" He was piecing everything together very slowly. I nodded still in his hold. He sat down on the bed and continued to hold me. When he let go a long time after, I could see he had been crying.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked holding his hand. He merely shook his head and moved his free hand to wipe tears off of my face. I made space on the bed and motioned for him to lie down with me.

"I'm sorry." I said softly. "I'm sorry." I repeated curling my legs into my chest. Daryl moved closer to me and he held me close to him. I held on to the arm he had wrapped around me and closed my eyes as he rested his chin atop my head.

I looked up and through my tears, I saw a woman walking with a tiny human outside my room. I got up and ran toward the door, following the pair for as long as I could from inside the ward.

"Serena!" I heard Daryl yell. I looked around me for a second and I found myself in the hallway, following the woman and her baby again. He grabbed a hold of me and pulled me back. I fought his restraint.

"Let go of me!" I said through tears. "Let go of me." I said sternly still fighting against him. I turned around and started hitting his chest, trying to break away. "Let go of me." I said beginning to sound hysterical. "Just let go of me." It was almost a whisper this time. He moved the two of us back to my room, closing the door behind him with his foot.

"Shhhh." He comforted me as we slid to the floor against the door at which point tears made their way down his face. "Shhhh." Inhale. Exhale. "Shhhh. It's okay." He said softly.

∞

I woke up with a slight headache, most probably from all the crying I had done.

"Hey." I said turning over to a half-asleep Daryl with a blanket draped over him.

"Morning." He said opening his eyes and stretching. We stared at each other and although I do not know how long it was for, it felt like the longest time anyone had ever looked in my direction.