The One Who Didn't Die

24. You're Missed

Good day to you all my loves! Welcome to the second last chapter of Serena's story. It's been quite the journey but we are here. So much has happened and there's so much that she's been through but what matters is that she made it through it all. And isn't that something beautiful to say about life? Anyway, hope you enjoy this little (4000 word) montage of life post Daryl's death. xx

January 2018

You got me suffocating, and I need to breathe

Keep giving me palpitations that could kill me.

I used to think I was in love with you,

But now I opened my eyes and I can see.

This is my goodbye, I need to let you go.

I wish that I could try, to stay a little longer.

But I've been waiting for too long, to make my love feel like yours,

I need to let you go.

Once upon a time you had my heart, that was the biggest mistake I ever made.

Now I'm glad that I have seen the light,

Want you to open your eyes to see what I see;

You're catching on fire, but our love has lost its spark.

I looked at the words I had written on the page of the book in my lap. I looked at it, tore it out then ripped it apart until there were no words to see. I was angry. I was angry enough to write words that I had no business writing, words I did not mean, words that I didn't feel made sense. I was even angrier at myself for taking the time to sit on that carpet writing them.

∞

February 2018

It was my first day back in my Nashville house; the first time I was in it alone. After the kidnapping, I went to Dallas to stay with my parents and anytime I did have to come to the house before leaving for Dallas, I was either with my mom or dad.

It was quiet.

I put my suitcase down and walked into the living room, looking at the couch where I saw him. I could imagine him sitting on it on a Tuesday evening.

I walked upstairs and looked at the bed we had often slept together in and had sex in. The pillows smelt of him, like the entirety of the house did. The closet had been mostly cleared of his stuff; all of it in his parents' hands now. But I found a few items, one of them being a sweater. I sat on the bed, holding it against my chest, his smell hitting my noise. I needed Daryl. I needed someone to at least reassure me I could do this, that I could, that I could make it through. I had made it through Daphne and my baby's death, barely, but I couldn't possibly fathom how barely getting through that would having this to deal with.

I slept in one of the guestrooms that night, with the sweater tucked under the covers with me.

∞

Jo came over every other day for a full month and, on most days, she found me either asleep or just laying on my bed staring in to space with my black out curtains closed. She mostly came just to make me eat something and she would sit and watch me eat. Not much talking was done.

"Serena?" She called out walking through my room. I was sleeping back in my room because as difficult as it was to be around so many reminders of him, those same reminders helped me to feel connected to him. "There you are." She sounded relieved as she entered the bathroom. I was sitting beside the toilet, spilling my guts out. It wasn't a hangover; it was just a symptom of sadness. She tied my hair up into a low pony as I continued. I grabbed toilet paper, wiped my mouth and sat leaning against the wall adjacent to the toilet, letting the cold wall cool me down.