The Timing of the Loss of a Love

Chapter Six

Hey guys! It's been a few days and I apologize, but I have this chapter as well as another one coming!! So yea. Thank you so much for reading this!!

Also please please please comment!! I really want to know what y'all think!! Enjoy!!

Also, I chose this picture because I feel like it represents the light well which you will understand what I mean at the end of the chapter. Thanks to Elise_M_Gibbs for the photo, she took it herself and is allowing me to use it!

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Under, through, under, through, under, through.... my mind repeated over and over. I was close to completing my sixth blanket. It was mid winter, and I must say Eramif and I were better for my work, but if I'm honest with myself, we only really need two of the blankets. But I knew if I were to quit or slow my pace he would freak out. He'd know that I was slacking. His observant personality is a blessing and a curse.

I've been crocheting for about two weeks. Six full blankets in two weeks had to be some sort of record. Money hasn't ever been an issue for me. That is a blessing. My parents died quite wealthy and I,  being their only child, received everything. That and the upper class people of the town would pay large amounts for Madame Lea's embroidery work. She taught me all I know about embroidery. I would say that I myself am quite skilled in the subject, but never would I be as skilled as she, the master. I purposefully didn't ask Eramif for anything that immediately had to do with embroidery. I knew that I would dwell on Madame Lea too much. But she was still all I thought about. Only now I crocheted my tears into this yarn.

What am I doing with my life? I'm sitting here wasting away on this bed, working only my fingers. Wallowing in self pity will get me nowhere in life, but is there truly anywhere else to go? I have large amounts of money and nothing to put it to. We have no income, but with what we have, we don't need any. I've practically adopted Eramif into my financial unit. I do not pay him necessarily. It's somewhat understood that I share what I have. He has his own bedroom across the hall from mine. We share food, money, and house.

We've not talked much at all since the news of Madame Lea...of mother. He confessed his feeling for me right before the letter came. He'd not mentioned it since. I wonder vaguely if he still loves me. Surely having to wait on my hand and foot twenty-four-seven has taken its toll on him. His physical and mental self, not to mention his love.

Love. Fear. They are the same to me now.

Self pity? Is that all I am?

I looked around the room pausing from my work. It was so dark in here. The fire wasn't roaring but it was there providing heat to the room. It was about mid morning, maybe ten-ish? Why keep the curtains closed? It didn't help my situation.

I glanced at the bell on my bedside table. "If you ever need anything, ring this so I will be sure to hear you." His voice echoed through my mind.

"No." I whispered to myself. My voice came out slightly croaky. It was the first word I'd spoken in many days. "Not today Eramif." With that, I threw my current blanket aside. With determination I forced myself to sit up a little straighter. With a quick flick of my wrist I threw the blankets which covered me to the other half of my large bed.

Taking a deep breath I started with wiggling my toes. Then flexing my feet, then slowly bending my knees. It's been so long since I've done anything... I sat for a moment before working up the courage to swing my legs over the side of the bed.

I glanced at the curtain covered window. There was a set of chairs with two small side tables. They were large plush chairs. Very comfortable. They made window watching an enjoyable thing to pass the time with.

With my destination locked, I worked up the courage to touch my toes to the chilled wooden floor. A rush of excitement courses through me. A small action such as setting ones foot on the firm ground shouldn't be nearly as exciting or as satisfying as it was in this moment.

With slow, deliberate, and hesitant actions I pushed myself to stand. My whole body ached... I'd stayed in the same position for so long. I held tight to the foot of the bed for stability. I took small steps. I felt like a child learning to walk. It hurt my stomach to be stretched up... but I was determined to get to that chair...more determined than I've been in a long long time.

I finally reached the end of the foot of the bed. From here I would have nothing to stabilize myself with except for the chair which rested about two and a half yards in front of me. I hesitated for a long moment before letting go of the bed post.

I stood without holding onto it, to be certain I could support my own weight. I slightly lifted my right foot and shuffled forward a step, but I did not collapse. I was still on my feet. With courage I lifted my left foot and took a slightly larger step forward. I teetered on the spot for a moment but regained my balance after a second. This final step would land me close enough to the chair that I could use it for stability. I lifted my right foot once more and set it in front of me, but I lost my balance enough that I had to throw myself onto the large plush chair.

After readjusting my position I sat in the chair for several minutes. I longed for the window to be open. I longed to see the sky and the trees. With this new found desire and longing, I scooted to the very edge of my seat. I probably looked like a sick baby bird who foolishly believed it would take flight. But I would prove those who thought so wrong. I am going to fly. And with that last though I slowly lifted myself out of my chair.

I was about three feet away from the curtains. It was a long trip for a short distance. When I finally reached the large dark curtains, I threw them open with all the effort I could afford to put into the action.

Suddenly I was met with light. Real pure light! Gorgeous light! Clean and gleaming. My eyes adjusted for a moment and I saw the beautiful winter sky. Overcast and grey, but beautiful nonetheless. The trees were bare and sleepy, but they were framed by the sky so well. The grass was brown and dead but it would return in the spring. Just as I was now determined to do.

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Thank you for reading!! I'll update again tomorrow I think. I have the next chapter ready. Please comment!!! I want your feedback!! Thank you so much!

     - Christine-1990🌷