Suicidal love;;
You don't always kill yourself in the traditional ways you read about in the paper. Sometimes you kill yourself by staying with someone. This can be interpreted in so many ways - you can stay in an abusive relationship, you can stay in a dead end relationship, or you can stay in a friendship where the love is one sided.
An abusive relationship is not always hidden bruised or flinches at every move. Sometimes it's forgotten scars being re-opened. When you get to know someone, when you get to love someone, you learn all their strengths and weaknesses. What you do with that information is important, if you use their weaknesses against them, that is abusive. But if you turn their strengths into weaknesses, you're stripping them of their sanity.
A dead-end relationship is where you both know that nothing will ever happen past these few moments, but you're so infatuated with your other person that neither of you want to break up. You don't want to get hurt and you don't want to hurt the other person, so you stay in the relationship, you try all you can to make this relationship last, but in the end, you break up.
Personally, I think one sided love is the most brutal form of suicide. You continue to love this person, you continue to take care of them and learn all about them. But while admiring their curves, you get nicked by the edges. You try to convince yourself that, by staying and by waiting, they might someday fall in love with you too. You try to ignore the burning sensation that is in your throat when you say their name and it isn't followed up by an "I love you". You try to ignore the piercing sound of their voice saying your name, but is not sounding the same. You try to forget the blinding headache you get from not being able to go to them with your problems, because you wouldn't be so sad if you were just able to call them yours. You kill yourself everyday by pretending you don't love them, because not having them in your life at all is worse than the shredding of your heart each time you see them with someone else.
And that - is suicidal love.
Don't let it catch you.
[[ w 🥀 ]]
