Dying For Freedom [BoyxBoy]

More Then Skin Deep Letters

It was night.

The pleasure of it was now ridden. All that's held there is pain. Of not knowing.

Of why the world held this much cruelty.

No dreams. No love. Nothing.

Black as my heart. Cold as my tears.

I couldn't, wouldn't understand what had happened.

Was it my actions? His? Were we broken apart?

So many questions. So many things unsolved. And a crack in a heart that will not stop enlarging.

Or maybe it was already enlarged? Only to be held together by my love.

"Why are you still up? It's four in the morning, and we have school!"

I was desperate. I slept in my brother's room. His world. And what a world it was...

The walls cried of a light green. And everything it took up of was photos. Plants. Animals. People.

Blacks. Whites. Blues. Greens.

Each one held a different meaning.

It then flowed through me that I haven't seen this room before. It's been so long from a time we didn't need a mask. That it wasn't pretend that we cared.

It was real. Natural.

Unlike now. Where that has been shattered by our parents.

Everything is.

"Can't sleep..."

The words were no more then a mumble from my chapped lips. The sound didn't even sound real to my ears. It was dead. Broken.

Like my heart is right about now.

"Well try! For damn sake! TRY!"

He was in a fire of sleep rage. It was roaring with annoyance. He wanted rest, which is another thing I cannot seem to give him. That I so wanted to.

The pitiful heartache that was bound to show it's self when I close this world off. And go off to a sea of blackness.

Where my love would be nowhere in site.

That break was going to be the final.

I would be soul less.

"I'm trying Noah..."

The words were through sigh. As my body turned to the other side of what is called Noah's bed. The place his body lays when his soul is off in another land. Where that may be, I may never know. Happiness is what I would want for him.

Annoyance may be. Anger. Jealousy. So may too. But, the love was there.

Thin. Barely living.

But there.

"Whatever. Goodnight Dork."

With those final words of the night.

I was drowning once more.

In heartache.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ang..el...I...Lo...Ou.."

"Where are you? My love! Where are you?"

It was fading. This was wrong. Sickening.

My guts turned in wrong. In poison.

The feeling of knowing.

That something. Anything. Everything.

Was wrong.

I couldn't hear my love.

His words. And form were fading.

And I couldn't stop it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You look like the living dead, Ken. What happened with your night?"

Logan's words hit. Sarcasm. It would bring ease to my trapped heart.

Only this day it did not. It only squeezed the cage. Contracting burns.

"Couldn't really sleep...Had a lot on my mind."

Swells of guilt raised as the poison words called lies poured out of my throat. I was never one to feel this way. Only with Logan.

And...My love.

Who's presents the night before was only more shattering.

And horror. The horror was binding. Of what I do not know.

"Like James Diamond perhaps? Did you know he has a band called Forever Gone with that Sutton Perry girl and Carlos Garcia?"

The interest in the matter wasn't there. The caring wasn't either.

James was a distant memory. Long forgotten. And my parents won't allow that chapter to be reopened once more.

It's not worth looking. The pages were burned. Ripped. And blood tainted.

"No. James is not on the matters that concern my mind. And again, no, I did not know that fact."

It was teeth clenching harsh. And it wasn't meant to be that way. My world was hazy. My soul was burning in death.

Only now...

I was taking it out on the single person in this world that I cherish.

"No need to be harsh Zombie Kendoll."

His tone was hurt. His face was contracting with sizzles. The sarcasm couldn't cover what was below it.

Myself. His friend.

Hurt him.

Before my tongue would form a word, he went forward with his last conversation.

"Well appartently James is the best of friends with both his band members. Even though that Ronald Mcdonald look of hers, I don't know how he would be able to look at her without cracking into laughter."

It was like time has went back. The words from our lips previously, were erased. This was nothing like the person I'm currently making ways back to our ages hell.

But the shock of his words were more powerful. Like lighting. I was enthralled.

Sutton Perry? The paste toned. Bright fire red vines as hair. And striking grass as eyes.

The outside...The beauty was there. She was very attactive to some. Logan is not the following.

But her soul is, for the most, why for people stay far from her. The frankness. And her fire passion for animals.

Herself and the James I once knew did not merge in my thoughts in the slightest.

But the truth. I may not know the soul he may be now.

"She is alright...And he seem to be happy with his band."

I was no longer curious as the words spilled out like thickness of blood from my lips. I was far too restless. And lost in the only world I have freedom of.

And it was the quietness for the while, that I took for full want and need. The ride was of peace. Or as much as it could with the broken heart in my body.

"The reason I brought him up...Is because he had two K's as scars on his one arm. And when I remembered you two once knew each other. I thought that...It might because of you...'

The horror-struck of the new realization for me, of his words, were blinding.

My mind reeled for another answer.

While my heart knew why those simple, yet trenching, letters were upon his arms.

He remembered.