The Maze Runner Imagines *requests open*

Newt [12]

WARNING: Content may be triggering and contains suicidal thoughts and actions. Please do NOT read if you are uncomfortable with this topic or others that may relate to this topic.

It's too late (unedited)
Y/N's POV

I don't think Newt ever expected this to happen. I definitely didn't think it would end this way. I thought that we would get out before it could ever get this bad. I didn't even notice how bad it was getting until the thoughts came; and they came at me like a train.

Ever since I had arrived in the Glade, I had been depressed; and it had been hard. It was like I had already been dealing with depression before I had ever even gotten close to the Glade and unfortunately, the depression didn't disappear with all my memories.

At first I was able to keep it a secret from everybody. Not even my closest friends knew about it. It honestly kind of scared me that I could fake happiness so well. Especially when I was have a particularly bad day.

But when it started to get worse, and what had originally been particularly bad days became normal days. With the progression of the depression, it had become harder and harder to keep it a secret and to keep a smile on my face when I was actually dying inside.

Newt started to notice that something was wrong a full year after I had arrived. He was my closest friend and I wasn't surprised that he noticed. It was more that I was surprised I had managed to keep it so hidden that no one noticed until then.

After that, Minho started to sense that something was off. And then it was Jeff, Winston, and Clint. They all began to realize that I was in no way fine, good, or okay like I always said I was whenever someone asked how I was doing.

A year and a half after I arrived, I decided it was time to let them know what had been going on. They deserved to know.

I got them all to come to my hut after the Doors had closed and everyone had already ate. It seemed like they had somewhat of an idea of what was going on. Newt probably knew the most, he had been spending more time with me so he could make sure I was okay.

I'm pretty sure he knew I wasn't.

I explained that I had been having problems with depression the entire time I had been in the Glade, but it hadn't been very bad until I had been there for about a year.

They all acted as though they understood, but I could tell by the looks on their faces that they didn't, that they might not have even really cared anymore. Though, thinking that they might not have actually cared could have very easily been the depression talking.

Every time I saw any of them after that, they always had these looks of sadness on their faces and they were very obviously feeling bad because of me. It only made everything worse.

I couldn't handle it whenever that happened, especially when it was Newt. I cared way too much about him for it to not hurt every time he had that look of sadness on his face because of me.

When Newt asked me to be his girlfriend, I obviously said yes. I had developed major feelings for him, but all the built up depression from my two years of being in the Glade made me believe that he was doing it out of pity.

I knew that he actually cared about me, and that he had been showing signs of actually liking me in that way, but with the state of mind I was in, I couldn't believe that he would ever actually like me. I couldn't believe that anyone would ever like me in that way.

When I reached the two and a half year mark of being in the Glade, I had reached a new low and I was becoming suicidal. Life in the Glade had been terrible for me. It definitely didn't help that I was one of the few gladers who knew that Minho and the Runners had already mapped the entire Maze and they still hadn't found a way out.