To Sir, With Love

Chapter Six - MTMHML

Lawrenz

"You can't be serious Renz."

Tinignan ko si Marie at nagkibit balikat nalang.

"Okay, I do not know what to say anymore."

"Then don't say anything Marie."

"Trust me, I would love to not say anything, pero you're driving me crazy. Renz, it's been three weeks, anong plano mong gawin sa buhay mo? Your company's not going to run by itself."

"Marie, it's not my company, it's my Dad's. Tanginang buhay naman oh, bakit si Stephanie pa? Bakit siya pa napiling pakasalan ng best friend ko? Ang dami daming babae sa mundo, si Stephanie pa?!"

"Well, technically Renz, it's not Sam's fault. Ikaw yung na-inlove sa asawa niya."

"If he told me in the first place, hindi 'to mangyayari ngayon."

"You can't blame the guy, he was just protecting Stephanie."

"Sino ba talaga kakampi mo ah?!"

She laughed, "you're being ridiculous Renz, it's been three weeks. Ano? Tataguan mo nalang si Sam habang buhay?"

I smirked, "look who's talking."

She stiffened up, I was right. Sam and Marie had a brief relationship before, they were my version of Cory and Topanga, I was Sean, except, I haven't really found my Angela yet.

"Let's not go there Renz, we're talking about you here."

"You're still not over him, are you?"

"Call me crazy."

"But he's married."

"I know."

"How long have you known?"

She smiled sadly, "I didn't know at first, he just left me. But on the day of their wedding, Stephanie met up with me, she told me not to do anything foolish, like entering a covenant to be a Sister. She told me it was me he loved, and that I should wait, because if he's not stupid, he would come back for me. And so, I waited. Days turned into months and months turned into years, and he hasn't showed up. Kung madami ang namamatay sa paninigarilyo o pagiinom, ako ata mamamatay sa kakahintay. Waiting for Sam has turned into an addiction, it's a habit that is very hard to break, a habit that I do not want to break no matter how much heartache it may cost me. It's a terrible addiction, waiting. It kills."

"Kung mahal mo siya, bakit hindi mo siya pinuntahan? Why didn't you fight for him?"

"Kasi mahal ko siya, kaya hindi ko siya pinuntahan. Alam ko naman na mahal niya rin ako, pero mahal niya rin si Stephanie. If he didn't hindi siya papayag na maikasal sa kanya. He loves her, he just doesn't know it yet. Hahaha, the pride of that guy."

Mahal niya si Stephanie? Mahal niya nga ba talaga?

"Listen, I have to go. Pero Renz, you cannot keep doing this, ikaw lang ang masasaktan. Word of advice, don't be like me. Waiting for someone who may not even love you back is a very difficult thing to do, but if you find even the slightest amount of chance, it's up to you if you want to take it. But just remember, you're fighting a hard battle between love and friendship, choose wisely."

And so here I am, nakakulong pa rin sa apartment ko hanggang ngayon. Hindi alam kung anong gagawin, kung anong susundin ko, puso ko o isip ko?

Tumawag si Daddy, nagagalit, sana hindi nalang niya daw ako pinakiusapan na tulungan siya kung wala naman daw akong gagawin. Sabi niya, magpunta daw akong Hong Kong, simulan ko daw dun, baka sakaling may matutunan ako. Baka matagalan ako dun, baka hindi na ako bumalik.

Sa sitwasyon ngayon, baka hindi na talaga ako bumalik.

Sabi ng isip ko, lumayo-layo muna ako, sabi naman ng puso ko, huwag akong umalis, ipaglaban ko siya. Sabi nila pag nagmahal ka, gamitin rin ang isip. Pero ang hirap pala kung ang isip mo at puso mo, nagkakagulo na.

Ang hirap.

I stared at the ceiling until I finally mustered up the courage to talk to Sam.

Magkasama kami ngayon, umiinom.

"Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa akin?"

"Sasabihin ko naman dapat."

"Pero ano? Hinintay mo pa na mahulog na talaga ako sa asawa mo? Ganun?"

"Our relationship isn't working, I didn't want to tell you because I was ashamed."

"Ano? Kinahihiya mo si Stephanie? Tangina 'tfol! Kung ako kayang isakripisyo yung pagmamahal ko yung pagtuturo ko para sa kanya... grabe! Pambihira ka!"

"What do you want me to do? Quit my job?"

"Wala akong sinasabi, ang sa akin lang, kung hindi mo naman mahal si Stephanie, let her go man."

"And what? Ibigay ko siya sayo?"

"What's wrong with that?"

I knew I've crossed the line but I couldn't help myself. He's being unreasonable and quite frankly, a jerk.

Napailing si Sam.

"Masaya ba siya?"

"Huh?"

"Masaya ba siya sayo? Napapasaya mo ba siya?"

"Gusto mo yung totoong sagot?"

"Oo!"

"Simula nung nalaman ko na may nararamdaman ka para sa kanya, mas lalo akong naguluhan. Magulo na nga dati, pinagulo mo pa. Ayokong kausapin siya kasi laging nauuwi sa galit ang pag uusap namin. Kapag kinakausap niya ako, nasisigawan ko lang siya. Nasasaktan. Pero ewan ko ba, sa tuwing naiisip ko na mawawala siya sa buhay ko, nanghihina ako. Kaya nung umalis ka sa school? Gumaan ang loob ko."

"Kung ganyan rin naman pala nangyayari, maari bang ibigay mo nalang sa akin ang asawa mo?"

Ininom niya yung beer na hawak hawak niya, at bigla akong sinikmuraan.

"Kelan ka pa naging desperado?" maangas na tanong niya, nanlilisik na mga mata niya sa galit.

I deserved that punch, but I'm not going to back down.

"Hindi ako desperado pare, marunong lang akong magpahalaga."

Iniwan ko siya dun mag isa.

"Gago ka Renz, anong klaseng kaibigan ka?" bulong ko sa sarili ko habang nasa sasakyan.  

Nag drive lang ako ng nag drive, hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta, hanggang sa makarating ako sa gate ng isang pamilyar na subdivision. At ngayon, nakatayo ako sa bahay ng best friend ko. 

Dito rin ba siya nakatira? Kaya ba laging tinatanggihan ni Sam yung offer ko na bumisita sa bahay niya? 

I want to see her, so bad. 

--- 

*Revised