Dark Secrets ( A Michael Clifford ff )

Chapter 1.

Lou POV.

The cold London air blows around my body and makes me shiver. I didn't take my jacket with me because I don't need it anyway I thought. It wouldn't make sense. I only wear my favourite red dress. My outfit wasn't the right for this weather but i don't care. Today would be the last day of my life and I would reach the bridge in a half hour i guess.

People are walking past me without even noticing the bloody scars on my arms. I tried to hide them two years so nobody could see them and automatically know my history. But tonight is the first time that I don't wear anything to hide it. I haven't told anyone the entire time about the marks which the memories left on my arms.

They all know my name but not my story. They still believe I'm happy when I make my fake smile. I come off as strong? Maybe I'm falling asleep crying. I'm acting like nothings wrong? Maybe I'm just good at lying. They never look deep in my eyes. They aren't able to see the black and the demons in there. If they could would they help me? I bet they wouldn't even care.

After telling someone all of my darkest secrets I wouldn't be able to look them in the eyes again. It's like I'm naked. They know your history and background. Everything you've done to yourself. They would judge me and say shit about me. They would never treat you the way they have before.

I'm so sick of this life. I can't live it anymore. Suicide is my only solution. My only escape. I could disappear. The others wouldn't even care. Friends? Don't have anyone. Family? They don't give a shit about me.

If my mother would notice that I'm dead that I have committed suicide she would only be embarrassing of the reactions of the others. She's the type of person who cares what others think about her. She wouldn't leave the house for a month I think. She's so cowardly.

A raindrop lands on my cheek and rolls down it. The second follows two seconds later on my nose. I want to wipe the cold tears away but i recognise that my face is already wet. Tears rolling down my cheeks too. I haven't realised that I started crying and I would give a million that my eyes are swollen too. My mascara is hundred percent ruined now and my hair a messy mess stick on my face. But it doesn't really matter how I look now. Its half dark so nobody is able see me this way.

The rain starts just a few minutes later and my dress is completely wet but it would be wet anyway if I land in the water later.

As I reach the beginning of the bridge I stop. It's an emotional moment for me. I look back the street down and at all the people walking there. At all the houses standing there and the cars driving past me. At the London skyline I would never see again. I could see the moon on the sky and a fear stars around it. It was beautiful and perfect. I turn my head back in the direction of the bridge and look down to see my feet. Step by step I go forward. Forward to the end of my life. Forward.

As I reach the middle of the bridge I walk to the railing. I wrap my hands around the cold and wet metal. I get a little dizzy and shaky as I look into the dark water. I feel that I'm getting a little bit nervous. Should I do it? Should I jump?

Of course you jump Lou! You have planned this a month. Sure you jump now! I hear the voice in my head screaming. I hate it. Arguing with myself.

I thought I was so sure about this but now when I'm looking the dead in the eye I'm getting unsure. What a mess!

My fingertips are tapping nervously against the railing. Suddenly I hear a noise from right beside me. It sounds like someone is coughing. Please god No! There shouldn't be any other people next to me. Not now! I want to be alone in the last minutes of my life. Nobody has cared about me since now and now it's too late if someone wants to help me. For gods sake please don't let that be a person who wants to talk about your problems and tries to convince you not to make your plans on a bridge real.

I needed someone the last two years. Someone who makes you smile every day and shows you how to enjoy life. Someone who checks your hole body for cuts not only the wrists. Someone who would kiss your scars and tell you to stop. But I hadn't such a person. I was lonely.

"You wouldn't die if u jump. Its not high enough" a male unknown voice said beside me. He took me off guard. I didn't notice that someone was next to me. I looked around me where the noise could possibly come from. I saw no one.

"On the ground" the voice said again and i think he was smiling. I searched below the railing and there he sat. His hair was a mess and it was a dark color i think black maybe but it had a few red hairs in it. He held cigarette between his fingers.

"Excuse me?? What did you say?" i asked with my husky voice.

"I said the bridge is to low for a suicide jump" he repeated smirking.

I felt new tears coming out of my eyes. "Happy Birthday Lou another person that doesn't care about you" i said to myself trying to force myself not to cry. I don't want to cry in front of him. "Don't show your emotions! He would just laugh" i demanded quietly to myself.

"Thank you" i whispered in his direction "Thank you for helping me"

"No i mean if you jump now someone here would call the police and they would take you to therapy and i can say although i barely know you that you don't want this" he added while he was standing up. Now he stand right behind me.

I didn't know what to answer to this and i couldn't decide if this was nice from him to "help" this way or if it was meant to be mean.

"You wouldn't call the police right?" i asked him sarcastic.

"No" he clearly responded " I would be to busy to call the police"

"With smoking your cigarette?" i responded sarcastic again.

He threw his cigarette on the ground and took a step in my direction. His hands travelled to my stomach which was going to explode.

Oh no Lou don't fall in love with this heartless bastard. I wasn't able ignore the butterflies in my stomach because they were to much. A shiver ran down my spine as i felt a cold breath on my neck.

"I would be to busy to jump after you to save your life babe"

( Heyyfellasssyess i tried to write a  Fanfiction with Michael Clifford pls comment or vote if u liked it :) the next chapter will be longer i think )