13 Reasons Why Imagines

Zach Dempsey Imagine

Trigger Warning: Depression

You couldn't explain it, you never have been able to. When people ask you what's wrong, you always have the same excuse, oh, I'm just tired. Everything seemed to get better for a while, that was when you met Zach.

Zach was amazing.

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5 Months Ago

You could remember the first time you met Zach (properly). You and some friends had arranged to meet up at Monet's for some hot chocolate and a catch up. You arrived there at five thirty, ten minutes before everyone said they'd get there. An hour later, you were still waiting.

You were ready to leave when someone came and sat at your table. You looked up and saw it was Zach.

"What are you doing all alone?" He asked, weirdly seeming concerned.

"Well, if you must know, I was meant to be meeting some old "friends" who didn't turn up." You frowned.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Guess it's a good job I showed up then isn't it?" He smirked.

"And why is that, Zach?" You asked, kind of annoyed at his attempts to cheer you up.

"Well, you have great company now." He winked.

"Sure." You rolled your eyes.

"I could leave if you really want me to." He said, seeming hurt.

"No, it's fine, stay. I'm sure you're not that bad." You smirked.

And that's how you met Zach.

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Now you and Zach have been dating for five months. And they had been the best five months of your life.

For five months you haven't felt anything but happiness. Until now.

You didn't know why, but you slipping back into numbness. Zach made you so happy, you couldn't understand why depression would just suddenly sneak up on you like this. You tried to ignore, focus your energy on school and Zach, but that didn't help.

Everyday was an endless cycle of negative thoughts. You'd walk into school and worry everyone was looking at you, like they knew something. During lessons, if you didn't understand what the teacher was saying, your mind would tell you you're stupid or dumb. At lunch when you were sat with Zach and his friends, you laughs were fake, you didn't find what they were saying funny, but you laughed along, not wanting let them know something was up.

But Zach could tell. He'd noticed how paranoid you were being recently. He noticed the looks you make in lessons when you didn't understand anything. But it wasn't just at school he noticed something was wrong, it was at home too.

You felt worse at home as you were alone with your thoughts. You had nothing to focus on, no TV show or movie in the world could stop your mind from delivering you terrible thoughts. Whenever you watched a film that had beautiful, skinny girls in it, you couldn't help but compare yourself to them. You'd constantly look at yourself in the mirror, analysing yourself, picking out all your flaws, wondering why you couldn't look like the girls in the movies you watch.

Zach noticed this too. He noticed every time you walked past a mirror, you always look at yourself, but not in a good way.

The more you looked at yourself in the mirror, the more you hated what you saw. You hated the way your stomach would sometimes stick out a little after you had eaten. So you stopped eating as much. Zach also noticed this.

Whenever you round his for dinner, or just staying for the night, when you had dinner or something to eat, you'd always play with your food, only eating small portions, then pushing the rest aside to make it look like you'd eaten more than you actually had. But Zach didn't want to point it out.

But the worst feeling you had was the constant feeling that you were drowning. Your chest was always heavy, you were always tired, tired from all the negative thoughts. You felt like you couldn't handle it anymore. You needed help, but you were too scared to get help, you were too scared to tell Zach. Every time you thought of telling him, you thought of every scenario, he could stay with you, leave you, belittle you, laugh at you, tell his friends etc.

However, you didn't have to worry about that. Zach knew something wasn't right, and he wanted to know so he could help you and try to make you feel better.

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That night, you went to Zach's, after he'd asked you too.

You were both sat in his room, an awkward silence filling the room. Zach wanted to ask what was wrong, but he didn't know how, so he just said it.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" He asked in a quiet voice.

"What do you mean? Nothing's wrong?" You lied.

"Don't lie, I know there is. I've seen how you've been acting. At school, in the corridors, acting paranoid. In classes, every time you didn't get something, you had a strange look on your face, like you were belittling yourself, not believing in yourself. And when you're here, whenever you walk past a mirror, I see the way you look at yourself, with disgust. And when were having dinner, you only eat a little bit, then push the rest aside. I know something is wrong, and I can see what it's doing to you."

You couldn't believe it, Zach had noticed this whole time. You were shocked, you couldn't speak. All you could do was cry.

"It's okay Y/N, I didn't mean to upset you, I just want to know what's wrong so I can help." He explained as he held you tight.

You nodded into his chest, and waited until you had calmed down to explain to him what was wrong. You told him about the feelings of paranoia, how you felt as if you were drowning, how ugly and fat and ashamed you felt. You told him everything.

"Y/N, you have no reason to think like that. You're most funny, beautiful, smart, kind, thoughtful person I know. And I love you for that." He smiled.

"What did you say?" You asked, shocked Zach had said he loved you.

"I was saying how beautiful and smart and funny you are."

"No, after that."

"Oh, I said I love you." He blushed.

"I love you too, Zach Dempsey."