Dear Connor Murphy- Dear Evan Hansen fic

Chapter One

Evan woke up on the first day of senior year disheveled and filled with dread.

Here comes another year full of blending in with the backgrounds, nothing but a shadow amidst all the 'hustle and bustle' of everything, as his mom liked to call it. He cringed as he got dressed, trying not to hurt his casted arm and thinking about the presumably bad day that was ahead. Mostly, he dreaded how he would have to try and make friend, and just like last year, still end up with nobody but Jared Kleinman who probably didn't even consider him an actual friend.

At least I still have Zoe...

"Evan! You dressed yet? Ready for school?"

His mom opened his door slightly, poking her head through and smiling. She always had a tendency to stay so chipper and positive, but deep down, Evan suspected that she felt the same way about today as he did: Hopeful, but not wanting to get her hopes up too much.

"U-uh, yeah mom,, just about ready."

"You're still writing those notes to yourself, right, Evan? The ones the doctor told you about? 'Dear Evan Hansen, today's gonna be a great day and here's why?'"

Evan nodded almost immediately. It made him uncomfortable to think about- he had to write letters to himself to stop himself from breaking down on a daily basis (which hardly worked, actually)- but it made his mom happy, so he'd just have to sacrifice...

"That's so good sweety.. oh, and I had an idea last night while I was at class, how about trying to get some of the other kids to sign your cast? That would be the perfect ice breaker!"

He nodded again in agreement, muttering something along the lines of "Yeah, totally" and even trying for a thumbs up.

His mother smiled in a way that seemed almost sad, and placed a kiss on his forehead before giving him a 20 dollar bill and ushering him outside. Hopefully, today would be better than the last, this year better than all the others.

Hopefully...

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Dear Evan Hansen

Today is going to be a good day, and... 

Evan winced, erasing everything he'd wrote and scoffing lightly to himself. The day hadn't been great. It was already lunch and not one person had muttered a single word to him, nobody signed his class, and worst of all, Zoe Murphy barely batted an eyelash at him.

Dear Evan Hansen,

Turns out, today wasn't an amazing day after all. This isn't going to be an amazing week or an amazing year, because why would it be? I know, because there's Zoe, and all my hope is pinned on Zoe, who I don't even know and who doesn't know me. Maybe if I could just talk to her... Maybe nothing would be different at all. I wish everything was different. I wish I was a part of something. I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. I mean, face it, would anyone notice if I just disappeared tomorrow?

Sincerely, your best and only friend, 

Me

Evan hit print in a moment of pure impulse. Obviously he wasn't going to show this to his therapist- noooo, he shuddered at just the thought of how awkward and embarrassing that would be. He would probably think that Evan was going through some sort of cringe-y rebellious phase, no thank you.

His thoughts were interrupted when someone next to him cleared their throat, waiving a paper next to Evan's ear as an awkward attempt to get his attention. 

Conner Murphy.