CHAPTER NINE
"I'LL be back in an hour," kihyun said, placing a hand on hoseok's shoulder, moving his fingers against the skin in circular motions. "stay here, okay?"
hoseok rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and nodded at the same time. "be quick," he responded.
"i will."
after kihyun bid a finale goodbye, he left the house to go into town for food, and once again, silence surrounded the lonely boy. hoseok laid still in the other male's bed, bundled up in the crisp sheets. his fingers traced along the hem of the blanket, trying to focus his mind on the texture and roughness of the material- in attempt to distract his overly-clouded thoughts.
something didn't feel right, and hoseok couldn't exactly pinpoint what until he started thinking about kihyun.
the boy was so caring; so gentle. he let hoseok into his home only a week ago and treated him with a kindness he desperately needed. if it wasn't for him, he would probably be dead right now. but if it wasn't for hyungwon's spirit staying with him, he would definitely be dead right now.
pushing the sheets away from his body, hoseok jumped up from the bed. he dragged his fingers through his hair, pulling at it as if it would sort his thoughts out.
could it be possible for hyungwon to fade from his mind? if the connection of love that kept them together disappeared, would hyungwon leave with it? he loved hyungwon. more than anyone else he had ever loved. so why was he even questioning all of that in the first place? and why was he thinking about kihyun?
"what am i doing?" he breathed out, hands dropping down beside him.
only now the male realized he hasn't heard hyungwon's voice all morning.
he started to worry that maybe it was too late.
"hyungwon?" hoseok spun around, somehow expecting to see the other boy standing there. "i love you. only you. please, tell me you're still here."
there was nothing.
hoseok sat down on the end of kihyun's mattress, head tilted up to the ceiling. tears slid down his cheeks, falling onto his shirt. he messed up. a lot. he didn't want to be with anyone else, he couldn't even love anyone else expected for hyungwon; his heart only belonged to him. yet the boy seemed to have felt something different, or otherwise he wouldn't have left. hoseok knew it was all his fault that this happened.
"i'm back."
quickly, he drew his eyes away from the ceiling. hoseok thought his gaze would've landed on kihyun, so when he was greeted by the plain wall, he blinked his eyes a few times, dumbfounded.
slowly, it clicked, and he realized who the voice belonged to.
"hyungwon," he cried, "why did you leave me?"
"i had to make sure it was safe here."
"what?" hoseok stuttered, mouth gaping then closing. "wh-why wouldn't it be safe here?"
"i followed kihyun, and he's planning to give up where you are for money." hyungwon paused, letting his words soak through hoseok's brain, "he's in trouble and turning you in was the only way he could save himself. i'm sorry, hoseok, but you need to go. now."
"are... are you sure?"
hoseok couldn't understand why on earth he was even questioning hyungwon, after the boy had saved his life too many times to count; especially after his sole reason of staying attached to hoseok was to keep him safe. and maybe hyungwon wondered that, too, because he didnt say something for some time, and it seemed like he was just as shocked at the older's words as much as hoseok.
"you don't believe me?" the younger whispered, and hoseok's head hurt.
"i do."
"then we need to go."
hoseok looked down at himself, then around the room, changing into different clothes, not wanting to spend another night in the woods cold.
before he left, he also put shoes on his feet, deciding he would run away the right way that time. although, when the older boy approached the front, hyungwon told him to stop. he stood frozen to the ground, confused, until the other said a guard was roaming the streets out front. hoseok walked to the bathroom - avoiding the mirror in the process - and climbed out of the window.
checking both directions, hyungwon told hoseok it was okay for him to go- so, he ran. it seemed like all he ever did these days was run, and he could feel every inch of his skin ache and tingle.
hoseok just wanted to lay next to hyungwon and sleep forever.
he shouldn't be thinking those things, but it made the guilt less painful when he knew hyungwon could only hear him talk, and not his thoughts.
if the younger boy heard hoseok thinking about wanting to die, it would only destroy him- if that was even possible, considering the boy was just a mere voice inside his head. hoseok kept it to himself, for the time being, at least. one day life would be completely different, and he'd get used to having hyungwon only in his mind and not with him physically. so until then, he would try to keep going. try to keep moving forward even when his will to live was withering rapidly.
"i'm sorry, hoseok."
hoseok stopped walking along the leaf-littered ground. "why are you sorry?" he questioned.
"kihyun was important to you, i could see it, and i'm sorry things had to turn out like this." hyungwon felt distant and the older male hated it.
"don't apologize." he started walking again, pushing past vines.
walking for hours on end eventually grew tiring, as if it wasn't in the first place, and hoseok felt lost amongst the twisted branches and plants that were taller than him. it was overwhelming.
he halted, dropping to his knees, hands falling in front of him, stopping his body from actually hitting the ground. hoseok inhaled the air, focusing on the way hyungwon used to play with his hair at night when he couldn't sleep because of a nightmare; exhaling and realizing hyungwon was already talking to him, telling him to keep taking deep breaths.
"my head hurts, hyungwon, it hurts so much, and i just want you here next to me."
suddenly, hoseok could feel a warmth blossom throughout his skin on his right hand. he held it up, curling his fingers up so slightly.
he heard hyungwon say, "i know i'll never be able to hold your hand like i used to, but this is the best i can do."
hoseok moved his hand over his heart, still feeling the trace of hyungwon's fingers tangled with his own. he felt like his mind was right here on earth again, instead of at the bottom of the ocean, and with hyungwon, he knew he would be safe.
"i love you so much. i don't want you to ever forget that."
"i won't."
