I'm Still Sadie

Sorry Not Sorry

SORRY NOT SORRY

Perhaps the lesson of this body switching garbage was simple: confessing my crimes to Tegan.

I didn't like it though because it just didn't make sense. Tegan was injured after I started to switch bodies, hinting that there actually wasn't a lesson and that this was just the universe's fault.

I was blaming the universe again, and I was stalling on purpose. I needed to get my shit together.

At a snail's pace, I walked back to Tegan's room, but even that took all of my might. With my heart pounding like a drum, I stopped in the doorway and just stared at her.

Brilliant, right? Let me tell you, the best way to get something off your chest in front of someone is to not say a word and just stare at them.

That method worked for me, but it was about thirty seconds give or take, before I eventually got Tegan's attention.

"You're back," she said, even giving me a smile.

Did she have to be so nice? That made me look like an even bigger jerk.

I took a deep breath, but I couldn't get my tone quite right. "Do you want me to apologize or something?!" I yelled.

Tegan's eyebrows knitted together. "Why would you apologize?" she asked, "you did nothing wrong." She flashed her puppy-dog eyes once more.

"I'm the reason you're in this hell hole," I said, "don't you understand?"

And why would Tegan understand? What I was about to explain to her will land me a bed in the same hospital.

At that moment, I didn't know what was more embarrassing. Was it the fact that I was shouting at her for no reason, or the fact that I had to tell myself this?

Tegan, of course, didn't say a word. Instead, I got a new version of her puppy-dog eyes. The new element was that this time, she also looked confused as hell.

"Listen!" I screeched at her.

She slipped underneath her covers.

"Listen," I said softer. "This sounds absolutely insane, but its true. I don't normally appear in this body, cause I am not a boy. You understand?"

That was nearly impossible to comprehend.

"Okay," Tegan whispered.

"My name is Sadie Arlo," I continued, "But one day I wasn't Sadie anymore. Well, I mean, I'm still her, it's just that I woke up as someone else. I was you, but still me. My mind was in your body somehow."

I glanced back at Tegan and looked for any sign of her understanding where I was going with this. Only half of her face was peeking from the covers and her puppy-dog eyes were very apparent.

"I know that this sounds stupid," I said, "but I want you to believe me. Please, just believe me."

"Okay," she whispered again.

"I didn't believe it at first either. I actually thought I was in a dream, so I tried to wake myself up."

Tegan revealed the rest of her face from the underneath the covers. "Wake yourself up? How?"

"By uh..." My mouth went dry. "By jumping out of a window."

"Did it work?"

"Sort of." I ran my fingers through my hair. "Have you ever had a dream where you fell? Well, right before you hit the ground is when you wake up. But I didn't wake up, and that's when I knew that I wasn't dreaming."