Sweet Obsession

Chapter 6

Natalie ran up to me screaming as tears streamed down her face. The child got scared with all this tension, and she started trembling.

"Stop!" I said loudly. "Have you no shame? How dare you come charging here and start throwing accusations at us!" I yelled, angry now. "How dare you raise your voice in front of innocent children! Go away. Let us be. This is no time for a jealous rage. You are not fifteen anymore, Nidal. You are a grown man. Start acting like one!" I said sharply as I gently grabbed Natalie and marched away from both men.

Billal spoke for the first time, and I could sense the hatred in his voice. "Are you proud of yourself? Just what is your problem anyway? What are you afraid of? That if I am alone with Loula, she would choose me over you? That she will realize that I'm the better man?"

I knew those words would have a huge impact on Nidal, and I turned just in time to witness Nidal swing a punch on Billal's jaw.

Immediately, I ordered all the children to run as fast as they could back inside the house, and they hurriedly followed my instructions to safety. When all the children had settled in their seats, I ran to the window to see what was happening. I saw Billal angrily walk away as Nidal stood there frozen in his boots. I asked Nuray, the oldest child in the room, who was twelve years of age, to read a story to the children, telling her that I would be right back.

I marched outside where Nidal stood and yelled, "Don't you ever do that again! What's the matter with you? First of all, the children heard and saw everything. They were scared. Second of all, the servants were all ears. And third of all, there is nothing between myself and Billal!" I took a breath. "How dare you throw your accusations around like that! What do you think I am? A whore?" I spat.

"You sure acted like one!" Nidal automatically answered without thinking.

I could not believe my ears. I was stunned at what he just said. I lifted my hand and slapped Nidal hard across his face. My hand left a red imprint on his cheek. He opened his mouth to say something, but he was too angry to say anything.

I turned and marched away from him but not before noticing that the servants had witnessed our fight. And all the children were gathered at the door, and even sweet, little Natalie was staring wide-eyed at us. Humiliated, I ran to the palace. I threw myself on the bed and cried. I once heard a doctor say that crying was therapeutic, food for the soul. So I cried my heart out.

I laid there for many hours waiting for Nidal to come for me and sweep me into his arms and apologize to me with kisses. But he never did. I eventually fell asleep, dressed as I was, from exhaustion and a broken heart. He still did not come. I woke up in the middle of the night, and still he was not in my bed. Where is Nidal? Where has he gone? Why did he not come to me? I should be the one mad at him, not vice versa!

So I undressed and threw myself back in bed, thinking he would soon come home to me. But as morning came and went, he did not show up. I had never felt so alone in my whole entire life. Where could he be? Where has my lover gone? Who is he with? Where did he spend the night? There were no answers to all my questions. There was no shoulder to cry on. I was completely on my own. Exhausted from the sleepless night, I fell into a deep sleep in midafternoon.

I awoke a few hours later, feeling defeated, a raw, lonely feeling. It was the kind you feel when all life has gone from your spirit, when you feel depressed and depleted. I could not say when the feeling set in my heart. I did not know the answer to that. The only thing I knew for sure was that I could not move on without Nidal.

I cried all day. The servants came and went. I asked to be left alone. I was not hungry; nor did I want to be bothered. They respected my wishes and did not come back. I cried all evening and into the next night. Still no Nidal. I tossed and turned and lay awake yet one more night. I counted sheep. I counted cats. I counted cattle. But I could not sleep. I wept all through the night.